Is it me, or is it when a woman dresses nice and carries her self with confidence other women hate her and men are intimidated by her? I do not think it is me, I think it is the honest truth. The main reason I think this happens is because of fear. In our society today, we have so many stigmas which are not always correct; but as human beings we believe the worst first. Shouldn't we learn to give them the benefit of the doubt and not judge them first?
In my minds eye, I have always been a likeable person, but I have learned that my reputation in high school was the latter. It was a reputation that I never really earned. I once asked a former classmate, “What type of person was I in high school?” I wanted to get someone else's perspective other than my own. I realized at that time that I opened up a “can of worms” that I regretted.
This individual told me that girls in high school were afraid to bring their boyfriends around me in fear of me “taking him away.” Then I asked, “Had I ever done that?” Her response was “no.” But there was that chance…..that small chance….. and that was what everyone thought of me. I paid the price for being a fairly attractive, thin girl and I never had friends because of it; I felt very alienated throughout my entire high school years. And the reason was that other girls were afraid of my looks? Amazingly enough, all the stigmas made me stronger and allowed me to develop my self-confidence which prepared me for life. A life that has been full of trials….…so far.
As an adult, I believe in two things, God and myself. I believe that God gives me the strength I need for the things he wants me to accomplish…which is everything….within reason. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing in this world that I cannot have, if I really want it….within reason. My motto is “where there is a will, there is a way.”
Sometimes my strength is an impediment to my relationships. One of my current best friends once told me that she hated me the first day she met me. I was shocked to find out that she had written me off because of my appearance, in her own words, “ you were skinny and cute, I hated you.” I smacked her on the shoulder when she said that, because I did not expect that from her. I have come to realize that this is how people judge me. I have had to try harder than anyone else to make friends but when I do make friends they are forever because people really learn that they “cannot judge a book by the cover.”
There are so many stigmas out there. After my divorce, it was easy for people to believe that I was a gold digger because according to them, I looked like one. This was before they learned that I have two masters' degrees and that I was the one who paid for everything. Another stigma that I have found that I have is that I am “high maintenance.” Ah well, so I am---but I maintain my self. Then there was a time when people would say, “she must be starving herself because she is too skinny. “ To those people I say, “get off your butt and try the gym or maybe try changing your eating habits!” Then there is the one that I love- “she has a weave.” Why is it that people think because your hair looks good that it is fake? I was so tired of every hair and makeup person I had during my years modeling years feeling my scalp to find the weave! What is up with that?
During my childhood I had so many bad days and if I would have allowed all the bad stigmas to get to me I would not be able to survive today. Instead of allowing myself to be depressed or doubt myself when someone treated me badly because of my appearance or their fears, I have taken it as a compliment and it has made me gain more strength than I ever thought possible.
In the business world, it has not been easy for me but I have learned to fight back. I have had bosses that literally hated me because of my appearance. One boss actually told me that, “you will never get a chance because no body wants to hire someone like you to work in their office.” “Somebody like what,” I asked? Her response was,” you do not dress like you are a mother and wife.” What does that mean? Because I am a mother and wife I have to wear house coats to work? I really don't think so! This is why I love the United States-----FREEDOM, FREEDOM! I will wear my prada suit, or my Gucci shoes. Why should the clothing I wear to work affect how people feel about me? My skirts are not short and my clothes are not inappropriate so get off my back!
I am writing this story not to say that I have nice things (because I am a discount store shopper) but to tell young women, young men, adult women and adult men that everyone is not going to like you. Therefore, you need to have self respect, exude self esteem and believe in yourself. It is good to be smart and you can be smart and beautiful/handsome too. There is nothing wrong with that. But there are people that will always try to bring you down to their level and it is up to you to ignore that. Someone once said…….
“We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you…...”
Just think, who is going to suffer if you let them get to you? “YOU”
So what are you going to do about it? “Take a deep breathe and listen to the old brag of your heart….I AM, I AM…….You can do anything you want to do….within reason of course!
