It was never meant to happen the way it did, I wanted my children, it almost killed me giving them up. They were suppose to be with me, It breaks my heart to this day that I never had the parental opportunity to give my kids the mother they now crave.
My second child: after having my first baby girl immediately three months later I became pregnant again. Shelly was only four months old, I was happy when another aunt of the children approached me to big me to give this one to her. Since I had already a 4-month-old, that another infant would be much more expensive. "K" was told she could no longer have children, and they wanted another. I was only 2 months pregnant at the time and really had no emotional bonds to this child. So I said yes, they took their father and me into their house, (since they lived considerable far from us) to meet with a lawyer. To draw up the adoption papers yet I have 9 months after the baby was born to change my mind.
Well I did change my mind after she was born. I saw her angelic face so small and fragile, that I just couldn't give her up now. I sat with her for hours talking to her, feeding her, kissing her. She was born 2 1/2 month early due to the father chasing after me in the hallways tracked me to the floor outside many apartments screaming for him
All went well, the pregnancy had no complications, I tried hard to disassociate myself from this baby, not getting excited with every movement, kick or hiccup as I did with my fist child. When my baby girl was born three months early due to her father kicking me in the groin. After I saw her precious face I had changed my mind, she was so tiny and sweet I just craved to be with her. Yet no one would agree with me and kept me in hospital for three weeks until I changed my mind. I was forced to give her up through many factors.
The Doctors would not let me take her home, her father arranged to have my monthly money stolen, (to this day I still think he spent it or gave it away) so there was no way to buy any clothes, diapers or formula for my wee one. I was torn up so bad about giving her up, but now I had no choice. The adopters had drove me home and gave me some money so I could get by with my first daughter. Then years down the road I found out she was told that I sold her for money.
The second time I became forced into giving my children up for adoption. I was now 18 with two children now my 7 month old son, now with me. I had become sick with a very large kidney stone and had to be hospitalized for a month, while in hospital I had decided to end my relationship with my children's father.
A few weeks after getting home, I let the kid's father in for a talk and asked him to clean my wound where I had a catheter in my back, instead of cleaning it he raped me. That was it he was out for good. Because I always relied on his family, they all began to no longer help me and called me a liar about the rape, to them I was now a pariah along with my children. Soon after I needed a day to recoup my strength, so I called the children's aunt to baby sit the children for me, but since I kicked her brother out of my life, she wanted nothing to do with me or my (Bastard children) as she called them.
Next I called another aunt on their fathers side of the family, same deal there, I was black listed in that family so I had one option left, I took the children to their Grandfathers house, surely he would not turn them away? Wrong again, the fowl language that came out of his mouth was hateful "Get these fuck'en bastard kids out of my house and out of my fuck'en life, we want nothing more to do with you or those kids".
I was heart broken, as this family was the only ones there for me in other times. They were there with the children while my own family had disowned me for getting pregnant at 15 and continuously having children with the same man who only insists on living off of my welfare money and the pleasure of raping me. Granted my first child was on my own devices and desires for sex, but the next 3 pregnancies were of rape, as my 3rd child was aborted, as it was another few months after my second.
