I'm beginning to think the most dangerous book in the world is the Guinness Book of World Records. One has to wonder how many bizarre accidents were actually the result of a record-breaking attempt gone hopelessly wrong. If the record for “most marshmallows stuffed in a human mouth” is currently 149, you can just bet that somewhere out there is a kid with 150 marshmallows and a dream. To that foolhardy child let me humbly say “Mmfgggl. Mmmfggl bffoopple thmmmppfiffle.”
What got me to thinking about this sudden increase in Guinness mania was a story I read the other day about a man with his own peculiar mission. He has decided to visit every Starbucks coffee shop in the world in an effort to establish his own record. Holy overpriced mochas, Batman, that's a lot of coffee! At last count, I believe he had visited close to 1,000 Starbucks, which by my calculations means he should be out of Seattle by now, or at least out of downtown. I have to admire his enthusiasm, but I'd also like to point out the fatal flaw in his plan. Much like the mythological Hydra, whenever you visit one StarBucks, two more are bound to appear someplace else. I'm afraid our coffee hero has gone on the ultimate snipe hunt here.
I suppose in each of us there is a little record-breaker just dying to get out, if we could only find the right category. It's part of our human nature to outdo someone we suspect needs some outdoing. Someday our coffee hero will stroll into the final Starbucks at the airport in Boise, Idaho and order his record-setting latte. Let's hope he sits next to a kid with a dream and a hollow leg.
