The English are proud of themselves. For a little country, we've punched above our weight throughout the last thousands years or so. We marvel at the fact that such a small island off the western coast of Europe could have been quite so influential. We love the history lessons which tell us how we our forebears managed to build the biggest, most powerful Empire this world has ever seen. And of course we love reminding the Germans that we, almost as if it was Britain alone, won two World Wars in the last Century, even if they were both a long time ago.
We reckon we're still pretty good today. Britain boasts one of the strongest economies in the world. Most people live quite well. Granted, there are problems with immigration, drugs, violence, and so on. But those aren't specific to Britain alone. We get annoyed when Europe seems to want to get us to change all our traditions which have stood the test of time. We get frustrated when we always seem to come second in sport. We elect leaders and then delight in tearing them to pieces. The weather is a constant talking point, particularly this wet summer we have just endured. But, surely everyone else must think we're a pretty cool country? As Winston Churchill said, to be born English is like winning the lottery of life.
Well, we English are kidding ourselves. Along with the Americans, who are disliked because their country is the only superpower, I reckon we must be the most unpopular group of people in the world. Our former colonies resent us. We believe we were generous, understanding masters who helped modernise their countries. They claim we invaded them and ruled with an iron fist. Plenty of Commonwealth countries laugh at our surly, old-fashioned, whingeing nature. Our European neighbours simply don't understand us. Why do we drive on the left? Why don't we like kilos instead of pounds, miles instead of kilometres and pounds instead of Euros? Why do we eat different things to them? Why do we bolt our food instead of relaxing and taking three hours over lunch? Why do English tourists drink ridiculous amounts of beer, belch, wear Union Jack shorts that are far too small and sit in the sun for so long they go pink?
The Americans seem to tolerate us because they know the moment they ask us to go to war with them, we will stand "shoulder to shoulder" with them, even if we think a war is unjust. Better to be with the big boy, I suppose. But they don't really care that much for us. When we have our own battles, the Yanks aren't really that interested, take the Falklands, for example.
I think we are treated unfairly. We are not the arrogant breed some foreigners would have you believe. We have a great sense of humour, always prepared to have a laugh at ourselves. We are slow to anger, quick to help friends. On the whole, we have been and are an influence for good. The country no longer talks about two things, the Second World War and the weather. We have modernised and are now more at ease with ourselves. But still they don't like us. Either that, or we're all paranoid.
