A local woman found herself caught in a veritable war zone this evening while visiting friends. Apparently a weekly visit with a local couple was fraught with discord when the couple's roommate attempted to cook quiche in their kitchen.
"It all started with the muffin stone," stated Miss Etheridge, visitor and onlooker. Evidently Lance Buckley, the roommate, wanted to make some quiches for dinner and a consequent lunch the next day and the particular piece of cookware he wanted to use was forbidden. It seems Mr. Buckley feels that his new diet of eggs, cheese and JELL-O was going to magically take off the pounds.
"I just don't see where he's going to get with a bunch of jiggly food", stated Miss Etheridge. "I started to tell him that and thats when all hell broke loose, you know, the muffin pan shit."
Unbeknownst to Miss Etheridge, the muffin pan in particular was of the stone variety and quite valuable. Turns out, it is much like the Pizza StoneTM marketed by Pampered Chef.
"It's just that it's expensive and I just didnt want him fucking it up", explained Mark Hair, resident of the house.
"And you CANNOT preheat the goddamn oven before you use it," added his partner John Welch. "But what idiot wouldnt know that," he said, laughing nervously.
Both men were astounded that Mr. Buckley was hurt by their offerings of regular muffin pans and frankly a bit offended that he would even ask for the stone when they had regular muffin pans.
"Its just fucking quiche," said Mr. Hair, taking a drag from his cigarette. "He didnt even know to caramelize the goddamn onion before putting the sausage in the frying pan, so why should I trust him with good cookware?"
"Hell, if it had been muffins I could understand," remarked Mr. Welch. "The old muffin pans are fine for quiche, though. They are older than Bethusalem, but fine for quiche."
Miss Etheridge felt comfortable leaving the men to the cuisine.
"By the time I left things were cooling down and they were trying to figure if the quiche was done or not. There was a small tiff about something called essence but I didnt inquire. Lance just rolled his eyes and insisted that of course he used it, he was gay, wasnt he? I didnt quite understand it, but found it quite entertaining. There was mention of a whisk at one point but I just made a joke and that possible conflict was avoided."
The men seemed in good spirits when she left, however she does have some doubt about the six boxes of SUGAR-FREE JELL-O that Mr. Buckley intends to make next.
"I hope they hide any fancy molds they have," she said. "If Lance finds one hell use it just to spite Mark, I just know it. You know, to get back about the muffin stone thing."
She also said she has no idea who Bethusalem is.
