I have a lot of friends and acquaintances in this world. I consider myself relatively social. One thing we ALL share in common is that EVERYBODY comes with baggage. What I mean is we have all had experiences in our past that have stayed with us. One may have had a bad childhood. One may have had a string of very bad relationships. One may have grief that has stuck with them. One may have suffered traumas that still haunt them. One may have had mother issues. And there are so many other issues that stick with us. Baggage is a normal part of life. Trauma enters into everyones life at some point. What I have also noticed is how that affects our perception of current situations and sometimes life itself.
This will be difficult to explain without examples so I will give a couple of possible stories that most people should be able to identify with or will be able to identify someone in their life who is similar and you may recognize how this baggage affects your or their perception of the now.
1. Terri was brought up in a difficult childhood. Her mother was an alcoholic. Her father was simply absent. By the age of 7, Terri knew how to cook her own breakfast, lunch, and dinner because otherwise she wouldn't eat. By age 9, Terri was doing the grocery shopping. By 10, Terri was smoking, drinking and doing drugs not only on her own but with her mom. This was actually their bonding time, she felt. Her mother thought all this was fine. She saw Terri as mature and let Terri do whatever she wanted, including going into town for hours by herself. By the time Terri was 12 she was wild. Her mother was finally sobering up and trying to make changes but Terri didn't understand why she should change. After all this was how her life had been for so long. Terri moved out at 13 years old. Her mother tried to bring her back but Terri would never stay and finally Terri got her way. By age 14 Terri was independently living on her own.
Fast forward.... Now Terri is 24 and has 2 beautiful children of her own. She has stopped being so wild and is a responsible adult. She has a job and a husband. Amazing as it is Terri managed to grow up relatively normal. Terri's oldest is 8 and doesn't know how to cook supper. One night Terri gets home from work later than usual. Her husband has already left for work. The kids have been home for a couple of hours by themselves, which Terri sees no problem with because after all they are 6 and 8 and she could take care of herself by then. She comes home to a messy house and no dinner. The kids are both playing video games. Terri is furious. She begins ranting and raving about how she is the only one who does anything in this house and why can't they wash the dishes and the laundry. Why didn't they make something for supper? Finally she storms into the kitchen and makes a sandwich. She tells the kids if they want to eat they can do the same and she goes in to take a bath. The kids are crying and do not understand. Mom has always done these things and has never shown them how. They each make a sandwich and go to bed crying.
Terri has forgotten for the moment that she has raised her children to BE children. She has subconsiously flashed back to her own childhood and placed the expectations that were put on her on her own children.
2. Christy was raised in a good home with a single mom who worked A LOT. Christy had babysitters until she was 11 and never had to even clean her own room because her perfectionist mother did it for her. Christy was an only child and was given everything material she could ever want. Spoiled some would say, but not Christy. She longed for time with her mother. She wanted her mother to play games with her and give her hugs. However, mother was often tired and when she wasn't tired she was working or cleaning. Christy learned to play by herself and how to entertain herself. As she got older her mother never taught her how to cook or clean because her mother thought nobody could ever do it right anyway. When Christy would try to help, her mother would simply start doing it over and complaining how Christy didn't do it correctly. No matter how hard Christy tried, it seemed nothing she ever did was good enough. Her mother would simply scold her or complain how it was done wrong. Even when she did clean the house and do a good job there was no compliment or pride, only the complaint that Christy could have done this or that as well. As Christy grew older she became spiteful and said hurtful things when her mother complained. As she grew into an adult she realized this was wrong and apologized for it. She tried to do things her mother would be proud of, but even into adulthood she could never do anything to elicit a proud compliment from her mother.
