I’m sitting in my room as always,the sanctuary of my retreat,my space,my world.Where am i from,who am i,where do i go from here.An emptyness I feel that is,i do not know the answers to any of my questions about spirituality.I am alone,in the end after all,we all are.I am yes,a dreamer,an idealist,i have my own world what lies inside of me,and yet a world of peace and war,of light and shadow,a darkness inside and at the end of it maybe some light,but how do i fight myself there,to reach the end of my tunnel,to reach the light,to find myself,i do not know.I feel alone,searching thirsty for an answer to find my way,but i do not know how.locked inside my world,inside my space,i dream of me,of others, of who shall I be or who shall i become.A hero?A passanger in this life,or a watcher.Who am i supposed to be,i do not know.Demons lie inside of my heart and soul,hiding,waiting to come out,but there again lies the light as well,a war that emerges from two worlds and i can feel it,the pain,the tears the sorrow,and who shall win the battle in the end?Perhaps that is or will be the moment of my final triumph,or the moment of the answer i have been seeking for for so long.Who am i ?Who am i in the end?Just another?Are we the same?Any other feels the pain i feel?Any other alone like i am, sharing the same thoughts and fighting the demons i fight each day,looking for someone to chain himself to and share the most intimate feelings and a piece of his soul?I wonder if there is such thing,perhaps a bond between me and another as i am?Is there anyone like that,hurting,fighting ,dreaming of the end.What is the end?A continuous journey of seeking yourself or finding yourself.At last would that be the answer for our questions.I wonder,all the pain and sorrow we feel,the war,the anger,the hatred,and love or commitment we feel for the other or ourselves.What is this?What are we made of?A spiritual shell created of a huge void,that we try to fill with our own experience or the many experiences of others?What is this that we are created from?We live,we die,but nevertheless we try to find the purpose for our lifes.All the search and all the questions what is it for?Why do we do this,if we die in the end?What is that supposed to be the answer,what do we gain out of it?Is there anything that makes us better?Happier or wiser perhaps?We take all this with us,perhaps to a better world where we can be ourselves somewhere we might find the love and appreciation we are searching for so long for a lifetime?What is a lifetime?Moments of pain or happyness,minutes of glory and succes,places we see,people we meet,knowledge we gain,and the needs we seek to survive.What is this to us all in the end?Do we grow spiritualy,do we become one,or all together become a single spirit of a much larger creation? What exactly is the plan here?We’re trying to succed until we live out of our lives.I dream,i keep on dreaming for answers that my souls seek.They lie inside of me an waiting perhaps for the right moment to arrive.I fear.I am afraid of what might come or who I might be,i am afraid of myself.I am afraid of anything,of everything.I do not know who i am.I am dreaming of who I would like to become,perhaps a great hero?A warrior?What is it that I long for so hard?We live our lives every day by doing what we are supposed to do,for others,what they are telling us to do,we don’t have to think,we just have to do it.We don’t bother ourselves to ask questions,why should we even try?It’s so much easier to hide,to pretend that everything is going the way we want to,after all we are in control.Are we? Or these are just the words we like to hear,we like to believe,so it makes our life easier,makes us go further,without looking back or searching for more answers.Who knows what lies beyond the gates,at the deepest corners of our souls?We just pretend and we chose the easier way,we close our eyes and we walk away.This is easy,but what would it happen if we would open these gates,if we would stop and search,if we would slow down a little and try to find the answers?Would we find death?More pain,more sorrow?Perhaps we would finally be looking in the mirror and see ourselves for what we really are;wouldn’t that bring finally peace for our souls?We could perhaps then,live the way we choose to live,and not the way others tells us so?
I sit in my room and dream,of a place of a light of the vanishing shadows,and the withdrawal of the demons that lie beneath the gates of my very soul.I dream for a better world,for better choices.I dream of idealism,of finally beeing me.I dream to find myself or others who i can connect to and share the deepest feelings ouf our souls or maybe what we think that is.We live everyday,we are the robots of the modern society,but i ask of you do we just live or do we really live?Can you truly name or feel the definition of life itself?What is it mean,or how it supposed to be,or what is it that we are actually made of?What is the ultimate purpose of the human spirit,what is the ultimate goal of the humankind,and where do we fit in all this great plan.God?Perhaps there is one,perhaps we are gods ourselves.The centuries of the humanity searching for answers,i fear brought none just yet,we are still trying to locate the ultimate place of our very being.We live because we are supposed to,we die,we enjoy life to the fullest but how?By our own choice or choices made by others.I do not think that we are totally in control,we cannot be into a society where humankind is turning into a robotic system,without the posibility of freedom.Are we free after all?What is that means?Perhaps,we don’t even know the answer to that,but we are all alone,and in our solitude we must seek the answers.We are not who we think we are,perhaps one day when we will try to ask ourselves this questions;when we will try searching;when we will finally burst out and scream for freedom and for the spirit within us;when we are ready to break the many chains we bear these days;when we are ready to throw away the many masks we wear;when we are ready to feel that lies within the depths of or souls;when we are ready to search even with the price of our own lifes,perhaps then we will be the on our long journey to….home.
