People are bombarded by ads touting the life-prolonging virtues of such and such food and/or vitamins. They ask you to exercise, not to smoke and avoid stress. That's all very good and certainly important. But there is a hidden element in your psyche that may cause you to die before your time and suffer unnecessarily during your stay on this earth. That hidden element is fear.
Your body is genetically programmed to live x-number of years barring accidents or serious illnesses. But you can also shorten your lifespan and make your existence miserable if you give in to fear or excessive anxiety.
Now please understand that fear and its result, to flee and avoid harm, are absolutely necessary to our survival. I am not talking about that kind of fear, which is the physical one. Rather, the psychological fear is related to the sensation that I will not make it, that I will be mediocre, that I will lose my job any day now, that that woman or man is simply too good for me; in other words, the image I have of myself is one of a failed human being. I see myself on the brink of imminent catastrophe. Living like that is pure hell!
We could try and analyze the causes of such feelings, but that would take us too long and should be the theme of another article. More importantly, we must delineate the various methods through which we can transform that feeling into a positive one.
Other People Are Not Superior Beings
Why do so many women spend thousands of dollars on beauty products, on failed diets, on sexy clothing, or on cosmetic operations? Their self-image is poor, if not outright bad. They believe that the external image, the one perceived by others, is more important than the internal one, which most people sense intuitively. They think that other women are better, prettier and more attractive. In a nutshell, they are a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let me explain: If you perceive yourself as inferior, you will project that image to others and they will see you as inferior. Of course, the opposite is also true.
Life Is Not A Competition
Our parents and our society in general have trained us to be competitive. That's a recipe for disaster, because there always will be another person who is better than we are at a certain skill. I had a friend whose life ambition was to be the strongest man in the world. He trained at the gym every day, he shot himself silly with steroids (the ones given to horses), and competed locally as a body builder. For his self-image, muscles were the key. Of course, as you have seen on TV, the strong men competition matches huge muscle-bound guys who think nothing of lifting a couple of tons or dragging an airplane for 100 yards (OK, I'm exaggerating, but you get the point). My ex-friend was miserable permanently; his goal could obviously never be reached. He lacked the size and the muscle mass to compete successfully. I could no longer be his friend because he simply refused to change and his company had become painful.
If you have to compete in business and/or sports, make sure it does not become an obsession. Make sure your self-image is not based on winning or losing, but rather on achieving reasonable goals. If you cannot accept losing, do not compete or it will destroy you!
What Will The Others Think Of Me?
The paralyzing fear of other people's opinion is highly destructive. It took me a few decades to overcome it, but when I did, my life changed for the better.
How many people do you know who care so much about what the neighbors will think? I bet you can name at least 10 persons, some of them members of your family. Again, it's their deficient self-image that tells them to fear other people's opinion. It's like a little voice inside the brain which instills the venom of fear into their personality.
Work hard on changing your self-esteem, on the way you see yourself. Examine your feelings when faced with a fear-ridden situation; analyze your reaction and repeat to yourself the "mantra": “I will no longer be afraid”. Losing a job is an opportunity, not a calamity. Every crisis is a chance to find something better, but remember the key factor: People in your life will perceive your fear or confidence and act accordingly. It will take time, but the positive results will astound you.
