Change Your Boss Without His Knowledge

When I was in college, my favorite assignment of all time came from my Psychology Class. The teacher handed everyone a list of potential projects and the one that jumped out at me was called Behavior Modification. When I asked what Behavior Modification meant, the teacher explained that you could change anyone's behavior without his or her knowledge, and it would really work. All it took was a bit of creativity and a lot of consistency.

Since I had the boss from hell, I decided to take the subject…and my boss…on. When it actually worked, I applied the techniques to my own life and have found myself able to make permanent changes in everything from following my dreams to weight loss. Try the tips below on someone you love…or hate…today, or just test them on yourself.

Identify Bad Behavior

You can't know what the behavior is unless you first define it. Take a minute to write down what behavior it is that you would like to modify.
In the case of my boss, there were several things I identified, and they included the following:

He never stayed in his office and so he always interrupted everyone else's work.

• He constantly yelled
• He continually pulled people from their work to talk for hours about inane subjects

Identify Desired Result

What would your target's ideal behavior be?

For my boss, I wanted him to:

• Stay in his office as much as possible.
• Stop yelling at everyone.
• Stop his inane chatter.

Deduce What Target Feels is Accomplished with Bad Behavior

In the case of my boss, I realized his behavior meant:

• He was uncomfortable in his office and felt it did not reflect his personality or his position in the company. As a result, he felt disconnected and powerless.
  
• He felt yelling enforced compliance and loyalty. He merely wanted everyone to agree with him, and if they did not, he would try to bully them into agreeing by raising his voice or throwing a tantrum.
  
• Since he felt disconnected from his employees, he would use inane chatter to reestablish his connection and control.

Use Positive Reinforcement

This is where creativity is vital. You have to deduce exactly what rewards your target would find desirable, and then give your target those rewards when they give you the behavior you want. I came up with the following solutions for my boss.

• Since my boss did not like his office, I got his approval to give his office a makeover. By simply facing his desk toward the door so he could see the rest of the office, he felt like he had control again. By adding a calming picture, a few fake plants, and a small fish tank, he began to love his office and spent all his time there.
  
• Whenever my boss did not yell, I would smile and nod at him. It is such a simple action, but it is a very powerful tool. Salesmen everywhere use this trick to get people to buy their goods and services, and you can use it to get people to agree with what you want. By smiling and nodding when he wasn't yelling, he subconsciously learned that I was more pleasant when he used an “indoor voice.”
  
• I would pretend a great interest in his inane chatter. However, after a few minutes, I would excuse myself from his presence while assuring him that I would be right back. A few minutes later, I would return and ask him to continue. Since he could not remember what he had been talking about, I was able to quickly leave again, and he felt that I valued him.

Use Negative Reinforcement

Again, creativity is vital and you have to figure out what your target does not like. When your target gives you the bad behavior, you need to immediately give them the corresponding negative reinforcement to stop the bad behavior in its tracks. For my boss, I did the following:

• When my boss demanded coffee, I would only deliver it to his office no matter where he was when he asked. When he wanted to speak with me, I would tell him I would meet him in his office. When he would try to distract me, I would bury my head in work and ignore him and would only give him attention when in his office. These behaviors were negative enough in his mind to ensure unwitting compliance with my wishes.
  
• When my boss began to raise his voice, I would begin raising my voice in response. Many times, he was unaware of his actions and mimicking him would stop him in his tracks. Other things I would do included pretending he had upset me enough to almost make me cry, or to simply leave his presence without the promise of returning. By making him believe I was emotionally unstable, he learned to be a bit gentler.
  
• When he began a long story, I would frown and shake my head in a negative fashion. This was enough of a distraction for him that he would immediately change his tactics to get me to agree with him.

Be Consistent

This last step is vitally important. It takes between 18 and 21 days to make a habit…even if it someone else's habit. If you stop being consistent at any point, your target will immediately go back to their undesirable behavior. They do this because they have convinced themselves that their bad behavior gets the desired result, and the bad behavior is already a habit.

Once my boss's behavior changed, the other employees noticed. I told them what I was doing, and they soon followed suit. Within two months, we had a completely different office atmosphere, and my boss took the credit for it. Little did he know…

So now that you know, try these tips on anyone and watch their behavior change.

Just remember …you are not manipulating them …you are looking for win-win situations. That means you are looking for behavior that makes you happy, while also giving them what they want. When you find that behavior, that is when winning is sweetest.