One day, while in one of our usual family gatherings, I heard Germaine tell our family & friends that he was working on his papers for a permanent stay in New York. The cousin of the woman he was living in was helping them. Germaine was waiting for his working visa. The woman was staying to care for their kids while Germaine secures a better future for them there. Hearing this, I felt my whole world crumble to pieces. Yet, I kept silent and pretended not hearing anything. That night, I asked Tony to let me see Germaine the next day. I told him that I need to see Germaine so I will really know what my real feelings are for him (Tony). Being a kind man, never short of understanding and compassion, Tony consented. He never asks me questions. He treats me like I was a priceless object worthy of his unfailing trust. He always takes things on a daily basis. Always believes in a person's innate kindness.
The next day, I went to our house. For the first time, I talked to the woman. There were no heated words…no accusations…no insults. After she assured me that she really loved Germaine, we embraced each other. We were both crying. I asked her if I can kiss my husband for the last time. She said yes and left the room leaving me and Germaine alone. I was crying and so was Germaine. When he kissed me, I felt so sad. The kiss was nothing but a friend's kiss. Gone was the passion and love he had for me. I knew in my heart at that moment that I had to let him go. I also knew that my love for him was still there but I cannot allow him to see what's in my eyes. I cannot allow him to know what's in my heart. Germaine embraced me so hard I felt he was hurting he had to leave me for her. Tears were rolling in his cheeks when I bade them goodbye. As I was leaving, I felt calm and at peace. I felt no hatred in my heart for them. I felt sad but I knew I had Tony. I consoled myself that things will turn out right for all of us. I cried so hard I ran out of tears. A sudden feeling of remorse hit me hard urging me to accept Tony and love him with all of my heart, with all of my mind and with all of my being. He's the only one I have now. There's no turning back now. Wishing to turn back the hands of time is impossible. I willed myself to feel good I had Tony. I remembered reminding myself to pinch myself so I'll wake up…this is just a dream. This is just a dream…I repeatedly told myself. Yet, I distinctly felt the pain of losing my Germaine. Dreams are supposed to make us happy…my dream made me so sad and beaten.
