Dwelling in Light

When you think about it, there are opportunities every day to dwell in negativity, self-pity, and anger/fear/hatred. You don't have to go far. Maybe the kids woke up fighting and woke you up. Maybe the clothes dryer didn't dry the clothes on the first cycle and now you don't have a clean/dry towel to take a shower. Perhaps a driver cuts you off on the highway. Your spouse doesn't help you. You are broke, tired and the kids won't listen. You're scared that your relationship is doomed and you'll end up lonely and nobody will want you.

Negativity is a vacuum. Once you turn it on, it sucks you and your entire world in and swirls you around, and soon you are surrounded by chaos, destruction, confusion and darkness. Negativity is the disease of the emotionally lazy. It takes effort to understand, to show empathy, compassion and love when something happens that you interpret as a direct attack on you. However, the driver in the car that just cut you off doesn't know you. He's not intentionally trying to get under your skin no matter how badly he does. The dryer doesn't have a vendetta against you. It's just faulty or it could be that the lint trap is too full, or that you put too much clothes in.

It's not personal.

I used to work at a Mexican restaurant in Anchorage as a Hostess. My job was to greet people with a smile and a warm welcome. Only, there were days that I came in sporting a terribly negative attitude and was anything but welcoming. The manager took me aside one day and asked me about it. He told me that even if I don't feel like smiling, there is some kind of psychological phenomenon that occurs when you smile. You feel better. Over the years it's been my cure-all for my negative traps. I force myself to smile, I watch funny movies, I talk to people who make me laugh, I lighten my voice and tone and lift my energy, even when I feel dark and heavy, and it still works to this day.

Not to say depression isn't a real thing and can seriously be cured with a few spins on The Zipper and a few Smarties, but if you are stuck in a self pity trip, how about tripping the switch on the vacuum and blow instead?

Spread love. Laughter. Peace. Force yourself to chat to the person in line ahead of you. Ask someone how they are and really listen. The only way to stop feeling sorry for your situation is to remove the focus on yourself and be a point of light to someone else.

I choose to dwell in light. I choose to reject the negative vacuum of emotions and exercise my spirit with positivity. My baby's laughter. The loud chaos of happy chatty children around the dinner table. Meeting new friends at the river and introducing our babies. The smell of cedar, the sound of the rushing river, noticing flowers in vases placed in each window sill in my house. Knowing who I am and rejecting opinions that clash with my sense of self. Forgiveness.

A strong sense of self that promotes light and optimism, rejecting the idea of a personal attack or offense, and instead sees such exchanges as an insecurity or weak sense of self in the other person or people, and continues to love them anyway. And without a strong self of self, a person feels offended and attacked and interprets communication as a victim, once again falling to the injustice of the world, adopting and solidifying a weak sense of self.

When I learned this wisdom years and years ago, I was offended by everything. When I learned how to separate my own sense of self from the opinions, thoughts and judgments of others, I found a confidence that has grown to the point where I rarely get offended or hurt now. I have chinks in my armor of confidence, mostly surrounding parenting and my children, but who I am as a person is without a doubt, my greatest source of inner confidence.

Not to say that my confidence is ever tested or questioned, because it does take hits, and my energy does turn negative and my world turns chaotic. But time after time, I find my way out and dance back into the light again, stronger than ever. The answers to my questions seem easier in the light, the challenges become mere speed bumps, and the frustration is replaced by love.

Maybe it's a faith, or a sort of residual spirituality leftover from years believing in something like God, hopeful and loving, peaceful and compassionate. Whatever it is, I call it the light, and it gets me through.