A kind of neurotic punishing of myself began in my self-talk. Ceaselessly, continuously chastising myself for not trying harder, became a pattern to motivate myself. If only I would try harder! Daily, sometimes hourly, my parents accusations that I was a lazy, ungrateful, God damned son of a bitch kid struck me like ocean waves. I actually felt disoriented at times, because I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. A pain, unnamed and suppressed, became a part of me, a deep grief and sadness. I didn't mean to be no good and at times I could remember what it felt like to be a good boy. I had hoped that they would guide me to the answers for whatever was causing my problems in school. Fear gripped me as I slowly began to comprehend that they were blaming me and not looking for possible solutions. I was alone, caught in a bad dream unable to awaken.
From the third grade on, they vented their frustration, anger, and disappointment in me with those kinds of statements. My peers frequently called me big dummy and stupid. They laughed at me and joked about how dumb I was. I would get into fights until they stopped.
I told you of these things because you may not understand how your child suffers for their failures. We have hearts of warm gold underneath whatever exterior defenses we attach to ourselves. There is hope, too. Ask a child who is legally blind to process the assignments on the blackboard and you would understand why he couldn't. A.D.D. is like that. Give us "corrective lenses" and watch out. Miracles still happen! Miracles, real miracles, happen with the proper diagnosis and treatment for this disorder.
Don't give up. Get medical help, the best you can afford.
Very interesting article. Sometimes a little bit of patience and care can go a long way. It is not always the child who is the problem, it can be the parent. Parents are at times disappointed in themselves, therefore wanting to live through their children and take it out on them when they don't meet their expectations. As adults, we may find that we have to erase a lot of the programing. Good luck and grace be with you. We all,I believe as humans have some sort of problem. Take care.