Ask yourself the following questions:
- Does someone in your life offer judgment-free emotional support? This means a person who makes you feel positive about yourself rather than a person who points out your flaws or attacks your choices
- Do some people in your life drain your energy and reserves? These are people who always seem to be in crisis and suck up large amounts of “free therapy” time from you but never seem to be there for you. These can also be people who criticize you and make you feel negative and hopeless instead of positive and optimistic.
- Do you have unresolved conflicts with family members or friends? These unresolved feelings can drain your energy and focus, as we tend to obsess over the conflict Do you feel your friends are really only acquaintances? Do you lack truly intimate friendships?
- Do you feel a void in your life because there is an absence of a romantic partner?
- Are you in a romantic or sexual relationship that you need to end, but you have been avoiding action?
- Are you in a relationship that compromises your values?
- Is there a phone call you need to make, but are avoiding, that is causing you stress and anxiety?
- Does someone in your life continuously break commitments or plans, so you are constantly rescheduling?
Energy drains can also come from unmet needs in your home environment. Do you have broken appliances, a car in need of repairs, a wardrobe you hate, cluttered closets and rooms, or even ugly surroundings? Living in a home that is not decorated in a way that pleases you makes you feel as though you don't want to be there. Plants, fresh paint, covers for ugly furniture, and a few beautiful prints or posters on the wall often make the difference between barren and cozy surroundings. See the section on Self-Care for more on the little things in life that make huge differences in your stress quotient.
Other energy drains come from procrastinating and overbooking yourself. We will procrastinate over things we really don't want to do-such as paying taxes. We overbook ourselves when we're afraid of saying no. Every article and book on stress management has these three trite words of advice: Just say no. The problem is, few people will ever say that. Instead of “No,” try, “Let me check my schedule and see if I'm already committed.” Then you can say, “Sorry, it looks like I'm committed elsewhere,” or if the request is for you to complete a task, “I've got a deadline on that date for something equally important.” Finally, simply doing too much and expecting too much from ourselves drains our energies. When possible, hire someone to do the things you can't or don't want to do. When you're overworked at the office, your employer may allow you to subcontract one or two projects to a freelancer.
If you don't think your employer will pay for the freelancer, have you considered subbing out the dreaded task on the sly and paying for it out of your own pocket? The job security, perceived good performance, and weight off your shoulders may be worth a couple of hundred bucks. The same principle applies at home. Consider hiring someone to do these chores that many people dread:
- Cleaning your house or apartment
- Decluttering your house by going through closets, filing papers, and so on
- Organizing your tax receipts
- Gardening or taking care of your lawn
