Even as an adult, I can still recall some of those painful memories from elementary and middle school. There were times I vowed never to miss anyone again. The emotion was too overwhelming. The tears wouldn't stop. It was an emotion I did not like. My best friend, Aixa, had moved away forever, to another continent. And then there was Yvelle, a classmate who wouldn't leave me alone. She always taunted and teased me. As much as I tried to avoid her, she bullied me at every opportunity. Her jealousy culminated into a fight upon which we were both suspended from school. Today, I am faced with having to cope with the death and dying of loved ones.
Have you ever had to deal with overwhelming emotions? Have you wished you knew of some way to deal with them? You are already aware that emotions can cause either negative or positive reactions. Are there techniques you can use to recognize, cope, and control your emotions? Yes, there are!
What is emotion? According to the Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, emotion is defined as the affective aspect of consciousness; a state of feeling; a psychic and physical reaction (as anger and fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling and physiologically involving that prepare the body for immediate vigorous action. In other words, emotion is a strong feeling that prepares the body to react. Controlling your emotions when faced with life pressures is the key towards becoming a healthy well-balanced emotional adult.
The ABC of emotional intelligence begins with self-awareness. (Goleman 268). How well do you cope when life's pressure mounts and you begin to feel control slipping through your fingers? Stoop recommends the following questionnaire to help identify your coping style (21). Completing the short questionnaire will give you a general tendency of your personality temperament.
Coping-Style Questionnaire
- I usually prefer to: A. take time to list the things to be done or B. just plunge in.
- I usually A. find waiting to the last minute nerve-racking or B. prefer to do things at the last minute.
- The word that appeals to me the most is: A. orderly or B. easygoing.
- I am bothered more by: A. constant change or B. routine.
- I am more comfortable when: A. dates, parties, events are planned far ahead or B. I am free to do whatever comes up.
- Following a schedule: A. appeals to me or B. cramps my style.
- I am challenged more by: A. facing something unexpected and quickly seeing what must be done or B. following a careful plan to its conclusion.
- I am generally more: A. systematic or B.casual.
- I am more: A. punctual or B. leisurely.
Total: (A's)_____ (B's)______
RESULTS:
A = Decisive/Orderly (strongest at nine to weakest at zero) = 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,0
B = Spontaneous/Flexible (weakest at 0 to strongest at nine) = 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9
To help you see how strong your tendency is one way or the other: For example, if you had six answers for "A" and three answers for "B," then this score would consider you to have a general tendency personality temperament toward Decisive/Orderly.
Where are you on the grid? Decisive/Orderly people can be described as strong in self-discipline but uncomfortable with the art of celebrating life, such as holidays and special events. Everything must follow schedule. They become uncomfortable with the unexpected. Spontaneous/Flexible people are the opposite. They are strong in the art of celebrating life and weak in the area of self-discipline. They are good at enjoying life but weak in the area of ordering it.
Your score indicates your area of comfort, or your general tendency of your personality temperament. The potential for growth is available to anyone willing to develop the self-discipline and the ability to celebrate life that lead to self-control.
Schooling the emotions
Schooling the emotions enables you to become emotionally intelligent. An emotionally intelligent person is much better able to successfully cope with life pressures.
Being able to know who you are, being able to identify your feelings accurately allows you to be better able to communicate it well to others. Becoming emotionally intelligent creates a positive attitude, enabling you to make responsible decisions affecting your well being in dealing with the challenges of life.
Self-awareness is fundamental to emotional intelligence. Self-Awareness allows you to recognize your feelings and label the appropriate vocabulary for them. (Goleman, 268). How do you recognize your feelings through Self-Awareness?
Self-Talk
Stoop writes, Self-talk refers to our belief systems or patterns of thoughts (27-42). These belief systems can take the form of either private speech, thoughts, or of external speech. The five basic principles that form the foundation of Self-Talk are:
