What exactly is stress? According to The American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, stress is “a physical factor, such as injury, or mental state, such as anxiety, that disturbs the body's normal state of functioning.” We all experience stress in some form but all have our individual ways of coping with. When I am feeling badly stressed, I always know it. I feel emotional and not as rational about what is going on. I try to avoid the situation or blame it on somebody else. It is usually easy to find someone else to blame, especially my siblings. My tolerance for other people goes down. I become less organized. I tend to raise my voice. Sometimes I yell and get angry or emotional. I don't hold it in, or seethe quietly, but just seem to let it all out. My reaction does help me to get over it. If I can't express it like that, I usually get a bad headache. The crisis most often blows over quickly, and then I cool down and get on with life. I never hold grudges or hold on to anger.
My parents recognize these patterns of negative stress in me. Dad says I'm “like a summer storm; blowing up a gale and briefly wreaking havoc, then blowing out, and giving way to fair weather again”. Mom thinks I show stress with “an instant and unfiltered emotional response that blows over quickly” (I think that comes from her former days working in human services) and she'll wait until I'm ready to discuss the issue rationally. If someone yells back, or tries to force me to be reasonable before I'm ready, it will most likely make the problem worse. Letting it out may be uncomfortable, but I think it is better than ignoring stress and holding it in until I have a migraine, or worse.
Triggers of stress for me include trying to do too much, pressure from homework, tiredness, setting high expectations and not meeting my expectations, failure at organization even if I try hard, losing things, and having competing priorities that can't be fitted in. I also hate it when I think I am being treated unfairly or when people are unreasonable. It is important to me that people listen if I have something important to say or ask, and stressful if someone assumes that I can't do something that I know I can. Like everyone else, I also hate being forced to do something that I think is senseless or that I really don't want to do. I asked my mom about what stresses she thought I need to be prepared to face during the FST trip to Mexico. She said that I need to cope with times where I would “have to deal with the unexpected, do things as a group even if the preference would be to do things differently, manage without much personal space, and resolve issues in new ways” since I would not have the cello, the trampoline or the other usual routines to fall back on.
Stress can also be used to one's advantage. When I feel anxiety about an exam or a cello performance, it helps me to focus and make myself prepared to perform well. I find ways to keep that stress under control and even to make it productive. For example, when I am on stage and am about to play the cello I tap my foot as a cue to myself that I'm ready. Even if I start off stressed, I get over it once I start whatever it is.
The best ways for me to alleviate stress are to vent steam, quickly change the situation, or to remove myself from it. Exercise really helps, and I can burn off energy. Mom will frequently tell me to “go and jump on the trampoline for ten minutes, then come back and think about things more positively”. I do that and then I can rationally resolve what is going on. Dad says that I need to “laugh at the stupidity of it”, and my parents both help me not to take myself so seriously. I can usually find humor in most situations. When stress has not built up too far, I can mostly distract myself away from it by playing my cello or listening to music on my Ipod. When stress has blown over, I can think about things more logically and discuss it with my parents or teachers or other people. I don't usually find it hard to move on, and I can try not to get stressed in the same way again. Mom says that “it doesn't take much to move on again” for me.
