“Divide and conquer” are apt terms that describe the power and control used to cut off someone’s social supports and outside interests, in an attempt to force that person to become dependent.
The following scenario details how manipulation and coercion can be used against the unsuspecting.
Control Tactics Used to Limit Social Supports
Once upon a time, there was a new bride who traveled to her matrimonial home. She looked forward to many happy years spent with her loving partner.
Oddly enough, right before she moved into her new lodgings, the phone line was ripped from the house. When she asked about it, she was told that a large truck must have backed into the driveway and severed the line.
The bride felt uncomfortable, having no means of phoning out. She knew that if there were ever an emergency she would be at a disadvantage because the couple lived miles from the nearest town.
The husband refused to get the phone reinstalled, claiming he was mad at the phone company. He bought cell phones, instead; however, his bride wasn’t supposed to call out in the daytime. Her husband called her repeatedly throughout each day and, at first, the bride thought this was a sweet gesture.
She found that calling out in the evenings was difficult if not near impossible. Her husband discouraged her from doing so, reminding her that he had purchased the cell phones for them to use as a couple and claiming they needed to spend that time together. If she attempted to call out, he would use his phone to call someone and speak so loudly she’d have trouble hearing the person on the other end.
In time, the bride abandoned the idea of calling her friends; it always seemed to cause problems with her husband, which made her nervous. She thought, instead, if she felt lonely and needed company, she would just go into town and visit them . . .
Control Tactics Used to Curtail Outside Interests
When she drove into town, her husband repeatedly called her, asking where she was and who she was with—or, if she were visiting friends, he would beg her to return home or try to pin her down to a time when she would depart.
Subtle remarks were made about how she handled the car. The bride decided it was best if she just ignored matters, hoping that, in time, her husband would abandon what seemed to be a campaign to shake her confidence in her driving abilities. She attributed his behavior to somewhat old-fashioned ideas about women.
The driving “advice” went on for months; however, the bride stayed firm in her resolve and would just laugh or change the subject, refusing to defend her driving habits.
Her husband suggested that if she needed to go to town she catch a ride with a neighbor, supposedly to save on gas. Each time she mentioned she was planning a trip, he would ask her to wait so that they could go in together. The bride told her husband that she had no intention of giving up driving and having to rely on him or others.
The bride’s car started to eat gas for “breakfast, lunch, and supper.” At times, she would find the lights had been turned on and that the car battery was dead, which would curtail any planned trip.
The tires then started leaking air. Each time she took the car into town, she had to stop at a gas station and get them filled. All four tires developed the same problem. The bride found that driving anywhere had become a hassle and eventually she found herself driving less and less. Her husband claimed that the car had rusted over the winter months and was now no longer safe to drive . . .
Psychological Coercion
The bride wasn’t completely isolated. The husband invited his friends over and his wife would prepare meals for them. She asked if she could invite some of her friends but was told that the husband wasn’t comfortable because he didn’t know them, that he didn’t like one particular couple, and that he didn’t want her using their groceries to feed her friends.
The bride felt increasingly lonely and cut off from all she once knew. When she voiced her concerns, these were dismissed as ridiculous. She was told, “We have plenty of friends and see people all the time. What’s your problem?”
The bride felt she was in a prison and that the bars were slowly tightening . . .
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