We have asked ourselves how anyone can harm their own child. Is rage so powerful an emotion, that if not contained, it can lead to murder? What a frightening thought! That a person could be so angry to the point of actually hating their own child! That this hatred and anger could evolve into the destruction and desecration of that precious being that is essentially the recreation of ourselves. Are they insane when they commit these egregious acts? Or, are they just cruel, hateful, and jealous parents? This essay will examine the rage and the outcome.
What makes a parent harm, or even worse, kill the most precious part of them, their children? Is the rage they feel against that child so great that it must manifest itself in so horrible a thing as murder? Why, why, why, we ask? What makes a parent destroy an innocent child, destroy the future of that parent, destroy the lives of the family, and sicken the community?
Yet we have seen it so often in the headlines: (ABC News Internet Ventures, May 29, 2005) Prosecutors: Father Stabbed Girls 30 Times. Prosecutors Say Father Stabbed His Daughter and Her Friend More Than 30 Times in Illinois Park. "You can see through the injuries to these two individuals the rage that was exhibited. This was a slaughter of two little girls," prosecutor Jeff Pavletic said. They had more than 30 stab wounds between them, and Laura was stabbed in each eye, prosecutors said.
(NBC 2 News 2 On Your Side. April 29,2005) Mother Stabs Children To Death.
Hoffman Estates, IL. (AP) -- Sporting a heavy bandage over her left wrist, an Illinois
mother charged in the stabbing deaths of her two children appeared in court Friday. TonyaVasilev answered the judge's questions in a soft, shaking voice. She was charged with two counts of first-degree murder. The judge appointed a public defender to represent her and ordered her held without bail. Vasilev's nine-year-old son and three-year-old daughter were fatally stabbed more than 200 times each inside their suburban Chicago home Wednesday night.
These examples of a parents' rage come from actual headlines of recent tragic events. We are stunned and outraged! We are devastated! However, is not the first time something like this, has happened! We have heard stories like these from across the nation. The usual story we hear in the aftermath is he or she seemed to be such a good parent! “They were so caring, always watching out for their children. “ They were always there for them. I don't understand! What happened?” How did things get so out of control? Why didn't anyone see any signs?
As a psychologist who specialized in working with emotionally disturbed children, and as a person who has a special fondness for children, it is extremely troublesome to me that punishment, both physical and otherwise, is an intrinsic part of child rearing in the United States. None of my three children, now adults, were ever punished.
People who state, “I was spanked and punished and I turned out ok!” My children are able to say, “I was never spanked or punished and I turned out ok!” And based on the kind of people they are as adults, I would agree that, not only did they turn out ok, but they are much more caring of others, including their own children, than many of their contemporaries. They do not, of course, punish their children. (Leach, 1994)
Is the rage because of how we punish or do not punish our children? Jerry Hobbs stated that he was mad because his wife let his daughter, Laura, outside, on Mother's Day, a day before her grounding was up. Was this a reason to stab her so many times, including in both eyes? The rage both of these parents have shown could not have just manifested itself overnight. It had to have been there a long time. Did it have anything really to do with the children or were these emotions deeper? Did these emotions reflect how the parent felt about the child, that they literally wanted to destroy this child? Did they hate themselves or their mate? Did they really want children? Did they feel trapped? These are all unanswered questions when it comes to the motive of the murderer. People try to explain why there were no signs of their son or daughter, wife, or mother, or neighbor, suddenly, without any provocation, exploding in a thunderous, murderous rage. There was never any indication that they could do such a thing. He or She was always such a good neighbor, son or daughter, they could never harm anyone. But they did! Why? That will always be the question, why? It disturbs us; it harms us to our core. Psychologists can try to explain this phenomenon. They can give all the schools of thought as to why, but they can never bring back that precious life, or give that sad, unlucky child a chance to live and grow and make their own mistakes. Where were they when that frustrated parent needed help and where were we?
Carlotta, our system gives lip service to child protection and slightly more to abused women.