You might be unaware of this but your body language may be causing people to see you as lazy, boring, unapproachable and sad or even depressed.
We all know the majority of communication is non-verbal. I'm just going to go through some basics off the top of my head as I think of them.
When you look on the internet for openers, routines and lines to start or use in a conversation to make it fun or easy for both of you - the people writing those assume you have already confident, open and cool body language. It's hard for some people because they are so unaware of it but it all comes with practice. Small chunk what you read here and work on it until you think you have it down. If you fall back in to old habits then work on it until you do it unconsciously. We have a lot of unconscious bad habits, it's about becoming conscious of them and then rewiring it in your neurology so it's normal for you and everything works in your favour at an unconscious level.
Your eyes are the windows to your soul
Steady eye contact with someone demonstrates you're in your own reality and comfortable in their presence which also helps them relax. Look at people when they talk, even if you don't know them. A lot of people I've noticed will not look at people at all, as if they think its supplication or rude. Not looking at someone when they're talking infers that I am not interested in them or what they have to say, that I don't like them and they have no place in my reality. It can be useful depending on the situation but if the person isn't being a dick then look at them when they're talking. Girls do this with guys who are around, they're so careful with their eye contact. Some wont look at all or if they do they will look away fast. I started doing this myself, to girls. I wouldn't look at them or I'd look distracted so they'd think "why doesn't he wanna talk to me" and then start talking. That doesn't mean if you do that, girls wont talk to you. Obviously some will, but it's not normal. Look at people and they'll be more likely to talk to you, you'll be more likely to talk to them and just both be more receptive to conversation. Eye contact is a massive part of your game.
Smile often. You can go around like serious and think to yourself you're the coolest guy around but you can't be that cool if you act like nothing is cool, ever. If you smile or have that sly, playful smirk on your face then you'll be more likely to have people talk to you. If you're not smiling, you look boring and serious. You don't look social. People are drawn to people who wear smiles. A great well known tip is to smile with the eyes and in your head, let the mouth come last or think of something that makes you happy and brings a smile to your face.
Posture, general movement, fidgeting etc
Move and walk with purpose. Be slow, you aren't rushing anywhere. Take up space where you are. This shows your comfortable and that you must be pretty confident in yourself.
If someone calls your name, don't snap your head around straight away. This is freaky, seriously freaks me out. Moving fast puts people slightly on edge and puts our guards up. Take your time. Slow and relaxed is better.
Posture is important. Stand like a lion with your chest out. Proud but not try hard. Your back should be up straight. Comfortable but straight. Rest your shoulders. Don't cover your face or mouth. Space legs out a bit with your feet pointing slightly outwards.
When you're sitting - do the ALPHA LEG CROSS. This is like your foot resting on one of your legs, above the kneecap. The thing I hate about this is it gives me pins and needles. Make sure you don't have muck on your shoe and aren't wearing your bright yellow socks with blue spots on them.
The jaw is one of those things we never think about. If there's tension in your jaw and your holding it up, let it go. It's just about being aware of this stuff when you're out there. Biting your lip is a no-no also.
Fidgeting. Fidgeting indicates tension, nervousness, boredom and disinterest. Shaking your leg, drumming on the table, biting your nails, it doesn't communicate the right thing at all.
Leave some comments and feedback please.
