Since I was off today and my wife had to work, I decided to swing by and bring her to lunch. We had a good time, as we usually do, and after I brought her back to work I thought about how lucky I am to have such a good woman. But then again, maybe it's not so much luck after all. Frankly, I've put quite a bit of effort into my marriage over the years and I believe I've earned the treatment I receive.
So it may be time to share with you the benefit of my experience. Here are a few things I've learned that will keep things smoother around the house and cut down on the number of “marital moments” you'll have to endure.
Flowers
I know it seems cliché, but flowers really are a great way to get her in a good mood. There is however, a right way and a wrong way to do this. Don't send her flowers when she's mad at you. I know it's tempting to go to the supermarket and stare at the case of roses with the other husbands because you think it's a quick get-out-of-jail-free card, but it's not. If you train your wife to get flowers when you screw up, you'll never be able to do it any other time because she'll assume you've done something wrong. Just give her a bunch of daisies or carnations for no reason whatsoever and it'll make her day. Here's another free tip: flowers at home are good, but flowers at work are better. That way she gets to show off to her friends.
Take Her Shopping
I know it's painful. Trust me, I would rather bang a nail into my forehead than go shopping with my wife. I do it though, because she appreciates it and if she's happy, I'm happy. But you can't make it look like torture. It'll be difficult, but if you seem like you don't mind, the payoff will be great.Open Your Eyes
When she changes her hair, or her nails, or her shoes, she expects you to notice. Compliment her on whatever it is. Even if you don't love it. Especially if it's her hair, because now that she's gotten that perm, there's nothing she can do about it for at least a few weeks. No reason to make her self-conscious about it. It'll just screw up your sex life and nobody needs that.Show Some Affection
Tell her you love her. Hold her hand. Don't be embarrassed to do it in public, either. Life is too short to worry about that stuff anyway.Breakfast in Bed is Never a Bad Idea
I like to make her a small omelet, toast, a bit of fruit cocktail in a bowl, and some coffee. Carry it to her on a tray with a flower and she may not make it through it all before she's ready to show her appreciation. A quiet, romantic dinner often has similar results.Kiss Her More
Every morning before I go to work, I kiss my wife goodbye. She's always knocked out when I go, but she always gets a kiss. I always assumed she had no idea I was doing that, but one day I was in a hurry and left without kissing her, and when I got home she asked me why. There's Something She Wants You to Do
Maybe a few somethings. My wife wanted me to quit smoking. She was on me all the time about it, and we argued frequently. It took a few years but eventually I just got tired of fighting about it and I quit. She was so happy I did this for her that I started getting some slack about a few other things. If I'd known how much easier my life would get, I'd have quit a long time ago. Maybe you don't smoke, but I'll bet there's something she wants you to change. Whatever it is, it probably wouldn't kill you.The In-Laws
She undoubtedly likes her family more than you do. Try to tolerate her mom, okay? Be nice to her sisters. Does Your Wife Need to Lose a Few Pounds?
You don't need to tell her. Trust me, she already knows. Pointing out her obvious shortcomings will cause unnecessary tension and she'll be less likely to let your deficiencies go unmentioned. A good woman with flaws is an awful lot better than a perfect witch.The Small Things
The best things in a marriage are often the smallest things. She brings you coffee in your favorite cup or makes a good meal, or does a great job with the kids every day. Let her know that you notice. It'll make a big difference in her day.
Of course, this list isn't going to lessen the burdens of a seriously troubled marriage. My intention is simply to help keep day-to-day life from stifling a good relationship. Show your wife that she's still your girlfriend and it can't help but improve your marriage. Remember, it's not a simple formula. It will always take effort but you'll get much more than you give.
