Don't go to bed angry
Yep, the old adage is true. When you go to bed mad, you don't sleep well. You lay there thinking about what you'll say in the morning to prove your point in the argument. The anger inside will fester and then you'll wake up in an even fouler mood than when you went to bed. It is best to work it out and come to an agreement before banishing one spouse to the couch. Couples that learn to mediate their disagreements and then learn from them have stronger relationships.
Don't fight over money
You are in the marriage together. The bills are now shared. Incoming income should be shared. This establishes a great trust in the marriage. There should not be disparaging words against the spouse who brings in the lower income. Both people need to understand the flow of money into the bank accounts and how it is allocated. Both people need to have equal amounts of spending money for their own splurges. It's like dieting - you take away the sweets and you crave them more. It's the same for money. Take it away and people will find ways to spend it -usually on the sly. If one spouse consistently overspends, then the couple needs to discuss it. There should be no finger-pointing, only fact presenting that shows honestly why this spouse needs to rein it in. You chose to live your life with your spouse, wasting that life arguing about money is not worth the love lost.
Share the finances
This goes hand in hand with #2. Both spouses need to be responsible for the finances. This includes bill paying, investing, splurge spending, household expenses, etc. This helps both spouses understand how much money comes in and how much money must go out each month. It also ensures that if one spouse dies, the other is able to maintain financial understanding. When you do monthly bills, sit down with your spouse and go over each one. Take turns writing out the checks or making the online payments. Take the time to review investment summaries when they arrive in the mail. Sharing the finances keeps both spouses on equal ground.
Keep "em laughing!
Remember why Jessica Rabbit loved Roger Rabbit so much? He made her laugh. Science has proved that laughter keeps you young and releases endorphins which are natural mood elevators. Do something goofy just for your spouse and chances are the spark that brought you together will ignite again. It doesn't have to be a big production. Share funny email jokes, make silly faces while cruising the aisle at the supermarket, or while folding laundry, stick a pair of underwear on your head and dance a little jig. Find your spouse's funny bone and you'll find love for life.
Dreams
Everyone has dreams. If a person doesn't have dreams, then that person is dead. Share your dreams with your spouse. Even if the dreams are far-fetched, they mean something so don't laugh at them. Encourage your spouse to dream and help them keep their dream alive. For example, if your spouse dreams of opening a tiki bar on a Caribbean beach show your support by throwing a tiki inspired birthday party. If your spouse wants to continue their education, help them find ways to finance it and find ways to allow the time for school. Talk about your dreams but don't forget that your dreams need to include your spouse!
Don't be selfish and share the work
Many newlyweds are from a generation where they have wanted for nothing. It is sad to see couples divorce because one spouse couldn't stop focusing on herself or himself. Marriage is a two-way street. Your spouse is not there to serve only your needs. Your spouse has needs too and wants them to be validated. Try looking at things from your spouse's perspective. Would you be angry if you were left to do all the housework while your spouse went fishing every weekend? Would you be angry if you had to do all the yard work because it is supposed to be the “man's job”? There is no law that says women must do housework or men must do yard work. It has to be done, so do it together. It doesn't matter who does what. Enjoy the time you spend together.
Communicate
This is very important. Your spouse is your best friend and you need to be able to tell that person anything. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, good communication doesn't come easy. Take time to cool off and then try again. Same goes for everyday communication. Find things to talk about that you or your spouse is interested in. Look for interesting things in the news, on the Internet, and on your commute to work. Share what you are doing at work or at club meetings. Talking is essential to a good marriage. It lets your spouse know that you think he or she is important enough to include them in every aspect of your life.
