Make time
With all the crazy work schedules and schedules for each child, it is hard to find time to relax together. Remember, when the children go and you retire, it is still going to be you and your spouse together. Date nights are fun options, but sometimes finances don't allow for this. Plan to wake up a bit earlier on the weekends and linger in bed together enjoying the quiet time together. Take a walk in your neighborhood. Sit on your front stoop and listen to the night sounds. Making time for “alone time” shows that your spouse is the most important person in your life.
Give time
Spouses are still individual people. Allowing your spouse to pursue an interest without you is acceptable. A boy's or girl's night out with respectable friends should not be a threat to your marriage. Don't insist on hanging out alone with your buddy the Casanova or your girlfriend the tramp. The spouse left behind will imagine all sorts of scenarios even if you are perfectly innocent. Chose places that are not known for being single's hangouts. Don't attempt to follow your spouse or call your spouse non-stop. Allow your spouse to enjoy the time with friends. Giving time can also be done at home. Allowing time for your spouse to read, play on the computer, or watch a movie is a great way to let your spouse connect with himself or herself.
Share an interest
If you got married, chances are you have lots of things in common. Don't let those things slip away once you say, “I do”. Make a list of things you both like to do and then look for ways to do them together. Check out the local newspaper for events to attend. Sign up for a class together. Plan little weekend get-aways that focus on your shared interests. Play games together. Explore new interests together. When couples share an interest it keeps the marriage alive.
Do little things
So often we take our spouses for granted. Take a minute and think what you would feel like if your spouse was no longer around. Then think about why you like having your spouse around. Think of every little detail. Now write a little note telling your spouse why you love him or her. Little notes tucked into a purse, inside a shoe, between the folds of the bath towel, or even mailed to the office keep the romance alive. Find things to do that will please your spouse. Make the asparagus for dinner even though you can't stand it. Rent a sappy movie even though you'll probably fall asleep before the end. Little gestures let your spouse know you are thinking of him or her and that you love him or her enough to make the effort.
Don't rehash old arguments or resort to name calling
Once an argument has been settled, that's it. Don't bring up old issues because you are not getting your way. It only serves to destroy a marriage and makes your spouse second guess your true feelings about him or her. Name calling is another no-no. Children name call because they haven't developed good social or communication skills to explain their feelings. Married couples need to understand that name calling can have a lasting effect that may be irreparable. Count to ten and gather your thoughts about what you want to say. Don't focus on your spouse or any short-comings he or she may have. Focus on how you feel and what you want your spouse to understand. Name calling is an insult not only to your spouse, but to yourself. If you think your spouse is so unworthy, then you were a fool to marry in the first place. Insults have no place in a happy marriage.
