'Several excuses are always less convincing than one', Aldous Huxley.
Excuse: I called but your phone is always busy.
This is an excuse we have all heard. What it really means is 'I couldn't be bothered to call you and fnow I feel guilty so I'm blaming you for always being on the phone.'
Excuse: Everyone is entitled to one mistake.
What this really means is "I stuffed up again but there's no way I'm admitting it, or apologising for it."
Excuse: Doing housework brings me out in a rash.
The truth of this one is: "I'm totally idle today and couldn't be bothered to clean up but may you'll feel sorry for me as I have this awful allergic reaction and do the housework for me."
Excuse: I have my own special system.
This one is perfectly true. The problem is that this is what is known as "whatever wherever system".
Excuse: You're not seeing the big picture.
What this excuse really means is "What I've done doesn't work, hasn't a hope of working and is a complete mess but it will all go away if I ignore it. Or better still, someone will eventually sort it out."
Excuse: I couldn't take your call, I was in the shower.
This obviously means "I was watching TV and eating chocolate and I couldn't be bothered to talk to you."
Excuse: I'm sure I told you.
What this one really means is "Oh no, I thought you'd never find out, but maybe if I keep my cool and bluff a bit more, you'll think it's you who's in the wrong."
Excuse: I'm sorry you had to wait, I've been off sick.
This is one of those excuses that customer service operators are very fond of using. The real meaning is "Aww, it's you again, you pain. I really thought I'd got rid of you. If I ask you to remind me of the problem that should take care of the next half hour before lunch."
