I am not sure whether anyone really wants to be alone. It is part of human nature to need another half; to have that someone who understands you like no other and is always there for you whether you are up or down. I know that I had no intention of being single. I even fought against it - I was prepared to compromise so much in my last relationship that by the time I came out of it, I barely recognized myself. A year later, I am still single. Slowly though, I have come to terms with it and can finally see that singledom is nowhere near as bad as I thought. I hope that this article can help those who are facing the trauma of a break-up and are dreading the loneliness that may follow.
The obvious advantage to being single is, of course, that you have plenty of spare time. Being in a relationship takes up time and energy that we often don't have; not having to plan around a partner makes it easier to find time for hobbies and relaxing. All this spare time can be daunting. Last year, I split up with my partner of four years and gave up my full-time job within a few months. Suddenly, I felt as though no-one needed me; that there was no point to my life. However, a few months later, I struggle to find the time to fit everything in. I have had time to develop my hobbies, a couple of which are now earning me a little money. And I have time to pay attention to the way I look; no more is a face mask and manicure a rushed task. I certainly look a lot better for it!
I think many women (and men, to a certain extent) begin to lose their identity when they are in a relationship, particularly if their partner is quite domineering. I know that that happened to me. My ex is a lovely man, but he has always been married to his job and I always came second. I tried to change so that he wouldn't feel as if I was smothering him; in the process, I became someone that I wasn't without even realising. This may sound corny, but I really feel as if I am finding myself. I do what I want, when I choose. My entire life has been spent trying to please one man or another - my father, my boss, my boyfriends - yet I have never been happy and have always struggled with depression. Now I am a lot happier within myself, and it feels good.
Saying that I can do what I want when I want may sound a little self-obsessed. It certainly is true to say that I spend more time thinking about how I can make my life better than I do about anyone else. However, I believe that we do whatever we have to do to get through the day. At the moment, I am still concentrating on me. I have had a bad time over the past few years and I am still healing. Once I have healed, that will be the time to concentrate on other people. If I don't have good mental health, what use am I to anyone else?
I don't know when I will meet someone else. At the moment, I have no intention of going out to find anyone. Things are still too raw from my last relationship and I think that it will be a long time before I can trust another man. Yet, I am not naive enough to presume that I will be able to do without a man for the rest of my life. What I have learned though is that it is possible to face life alone; it is not anywhere near as frightening as I once thought. In fact, I think I am stronger than ever before. Long may this feeling last!
