Before the "I Do's"

There are several things to discuss with your intended before saying "I do." Learning what your partner wants out of life, what's important to them, and what kind of roommate they'll make is essential to a good marriage.

One of the first things to discuss is finances. Are you going to merge all monies and properties? Is it going to be a "my money, your money" partnership? Does your partner have any outstanding debts? Do you? Also important is to find out how your partner wants to budget money. Do the bills get paid first, then add to savings, then go shopping for extras? Is your partner an impulse buyer? Are you? Thoroughly discuss all aspects of finance and come to an understanding on how you will merge finances, budget, pay bills, spend, save and plan for the future. One of the leading causes of divorce is money problems. Talking things out will give you a better chance for a successful marriage.
The next important topic to discuss is children. Not only do you both need to know if your partner wants children and if so how many, you also need to discuss the many choices of child birth.

Talk about what kind of birth you would want; a midwife at home, a water birth, do you both believe in the use of drugs (epidural etc.)? Will the "Daddy" be a partner in the labor? After you decide how you want the birth to go you need to discuss the care of the baby. Do you prefer breast feeding or bottle? Will you use cloth diapers or disposable? Who will be the primary caregiver? Is "Mom" going to stay home with the baby for the formidable years? Will you use a pacifier, will you allow the baby to cry itself to sleep at night, where will the baby sleep? When the child gets older who will be in charge of discipline? How will you discipline your child? What is acceptable and unacceptable behavior? You might offer to babysit for friends and have your partner help out. Babysit an infant and see how it goes. Babysit a three-year-old and find out how your partner handles temper tantrums. Don't forget to discuss potential names. Your partner may have their heart set on naming a girl child after Great Aunt Eleanor and will refuse to budge.

Don't forget to talk about who will be the Godparents. Thinking of who will raise your children if something were to happen to you is not a thing anyone wants to do, but it is an important thing to discuss. Find these things out ahead of time and discuss them and compromise. Another leading cause of divorce is children. Many couples don't discuss child rearing before saying "I do" and they find out later that their partner wants to handle things in a way they do not agree with. Talking all of these things out and spending time with children of various ages will give you a better chance for a successful marriage.

An important thing to discuss with your intended is what kind of roommate they will be. Do they have the television on 24 hours a day at a loud volume? Do they put their dirty laundry in a certain place or leave it lay? Do they clean as they go in the kitchen or have a huge mess once the meal is ready? Do they know how to cook? Do they believe in the old fashioned traditional "man jobs - women chores?" Do they know how to do laundry? Are they a slob or obsessive compulsive? Do they talk on the phone all night? Do they video tape everything and put it on Utube? Do they spend two hours in the bathroom getting ready? Do they have to sleep on a certain side of the bed? Do they have to have a fan blowing on them throughout the night year round? Do they have to sleep with the television on? Does it have to be silent and dark for them to go to sleep? Do they snore? Do they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of tube?

Do they insist upon the toilet seat being in the down position? These may seem like funny little insignificant things, but they are listed as pet peeves that can drive a spouse absolutely crazy. Find out your partners quirks and pet peeves and let them know yours before you say "I do." If you have a quirk that turns out to be one of their pet peeves or vice versa, talk it out, and find a compromise. Discussing the roommate type ground rules of living together and coming up with acceptable compromises will help immensely and give you a better chance for a successful marriage.

Other things to discuss before saying "I do" would be how you're going to celebrate holidays. Does your partner have to have a real Christmas tree? Do they have to go to Granny so and so's on Christmas morning? Discuss family traditions and which ones you will want to continue and which ones you're willing to compromise on. Don't forget to discuss birthday expectations, anniversary hopes, and how these traditions may change with the coming of children.

Over half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. The top two reasons cited are financial troubles and child rearing. Other reasons are infidelity and irreconcilable differences. So take the time to discuss thoroughly all aspects of monies and child rearing and talk about infidelity and discuss ways of making sure it doesn't happen - define infidelity to each other, your partner's definition may surprise you. Talk about what could possibly cause either of you to cheat and take steps together to ensure that these scenarios aren't allowed to happen. Don't forget to talk about your hopes and dreams and where you want to be in five years, in ten, and so on. Be honest and open. Remember that no marriage is perfect but the two of you can work together to create a marriage that's perfect for you. Good luck!