No-one ever feels like they are nice, but with the right outlook on life you can cultivate being nice, train yourself, and eventually with practice and perseverance (and possibly quite a lot of divine intervention) be a truly nice person.
keywords -> niceness, kindness, loving, generosity, helpfulness, guide, relationships, niceness guide, helpfulness guide
Demeanour
The way you hold yourself speaks volumes to everyone who looks at you. If you are scowling or frowning, people will not approach you. If that is what you want, then that's all well and good, but you will get a perhaps undeserved reputation as someone who isn't very nice, and you won't know why.
Smile. It's a very difficult habit to get into. If you look round today as you walk down the street, you will see that most people aren't smiling. If you look at yourself, you will realise that you aren't either. Just a teensy turn up of the mouth can make a difference to how you appear, and if you can make your eyes sparkle then that's the clincher.
Try for a while to hold your face in a semi-smile. Every time you think about it, try to hold a smile for the count of ten. You may be surprised at how natural it feels after only a few weeks. You will forget most of the time. Don't worry.
Thanks
Give thank-yous where they are due. Thank people for things that they have done for you. Even something that they do every day, and don't really expect thanks for. i.e. "Thanks for doing dinner every day, babe. It's so nice to come home to a meal ready on the table. I really appreciate it."
Actively look for things to thank people for, and you may be surprised at how much you do have to be thankful for. It will lighten your mood, and make you feel happier, and more able to be nice in your everyday life.
Greetings
When you see people, greet them with a hello and a smile. If you don't know them and don't really want to, then you don't need to introduce yourself, just an "Alright?" is considered socially acceptable as well as making people feel like you have acknowledged them. It will also train you to notice people who can be helped.
Sometimes it's better to say "Hello" with a "Good to see you", or some other non-questioning statement. That sends the message that you are giving without expecting anything in return. It will feel unnatural at first, and it may not bring immediate results, but keep it up and your message will get across.
Excuses
Make excuses for people. Always give them the benefit of the doubt.
If some reckless youth cuts you up, you can assume that he's in a hurry because his wife is pregnant, and he's on the way to pick her up to take her to the hospital. If a woman pushes past you rudely in the street, you can assume that she's just had a bad phone call and is very upset and the poor thing doesn't realise how rude she's being in the heat of emotion.
You don't know other people's situations, and there are just too many of them to listen to each and every one. Give people more leeway than you would expect for yourself, and you may be surprised to find how much leeway you get back in return.
Don't ignore evidence in your quest for excuses, however. A crazed looking madman with a samurai sword dripping blood is not likely to be helping out at the butchers and just forgotten to clean his knife.
Driving
Smile when you look at other drivers. It makes them feel like you have acknowledged their existence. The car's headlights are not the eyes you should be looking into. Also, if you make eye contact then you are also much more likely to be allowed to pull out at a junction.
If someone takes offence at your composure, i.e. "What are you grinning at?", a simple "I'm just really happy today. I'm not even sure of the reason." will often placate them. They may be expecting a violent or fearful response. Don't be scared, and don't be violent. You have a right to be happy.
Apologise to drivers if you cut them up inadvertently. Raise you hand in a "Sorry" gesture. In the UK, this would be an open hand to signify "my fault, sorry". Everyone makes mistakes, and apologising for the ones you make makes you a nicer and greater person.
Thank drivers who let you go through a gap, and don't worry if those who you let through don't thank you. Smile at those people nicely. Remain calm. Does it really matter if you are two minutes later getting to where you are going?
