Broken Hearts Will Mend

If he leaves you...

Do not just sit in a corner and cry your eyes out. What are you waiting for…pick yourself up and try again. He is not the only fish in the sea OK? …There are more mangoes on a tree than anyone can imagine or count, all waiting to be ripened and plucked.

You know that make over you have been avoiding for ages?…this is the perfect time to slip quietly into a beauty workshop where you can get yourself a completely new image. Try 2nd Image. They'll extend your nails, hair, eyelashes and ego; They make you feel good. With a bat of your false eyelashes and a flick of of your newly acquired weave-on tresses, your man will be back by your side. At least you can buy some hope even if that fails.

You know what they say, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. With sharpened talons you will be ready to tear out the eyes of any girl who thinks she can take over where you left off but remember you can not do that without being arrested? Be careful! do it with tact and sweet words, smiling broadly (even when your face aches) the whole time.

Jealousy does not pay off in the end you know. It just makes you wrinkly, depressed, fat and ugly, in that order. No man wants a woman who has two flaps for eyes and a double chin. Green eyes go with blonde hair

Go out a lot; meet new people; be seen with drop dead good looking guys only…that will show him that you are still in the love market.

If he leaves you, use the opportunity to jump start a fantastic career and make lots of money. He will see you rolling in a Rolls Royce and he will regret ever leaving you. The best revenge on a man who has dumped you is to become incredibly rich and famous with a private airline to show that you are a high flier and he is not part of the crew. You will be constantly in his face. His eyes will see brown brown, green green when he thinks of you. You will show him that a good woman is made of money. All that education and grooming; Woe man!

If he leaves you, the last thing you want him to see is you becoming a slut and giving it to everyone else for cash. Bodies take ages to shape up into a woman... from baby in a cradle to a designer clad female is a long way indeed…it costs loads of money but avoid that course of action like the plague. Suicide is a sin.

Do not be tempted to destroy his brand new car, burn his house down or transform his latest toy into junk. Don't attempt to kill him either, that will just make him hate you more. You will be arrested, hung by the neck till you are well and truly dead, and spend the rest of eternity in purgatory. Dante's Inferno is not just a work of art by an Italian genius you know? Let people talk about you but only for the best reasons: Growing old single is nothing to be ashamed of, killing a man is.

In the case of another woman being responsible for the break up , you can try sending her lots of expensive presents like a dress which is ten sizes too small but not too small she starts getting ideas about getting really skinny or having babies or your bid for return to your man will be squashed on the head. It will be a blow to your life if she decided to get herself with child especially if you want to get him back.

Send her (the other woman) the best eau de pong perfume you can find. Women just love perfume and if this one is bad enough, your man will not touch her with a bargepole, at least not for a while. Victory will be achieved in the nicest possible way. It won't be sweet smelling. Don't however try juju "cos it will certainly backfire if Nigerian films are anything to go by and anyway a juju man"s hut must be really horrid and smelly with all those shrunken heads and amulets. Believe in God and all will be right

Dress to the nines every time you know you'll meet him in a club or restaurant. Pay ten million cedis for a dress, a million for a hairdo and another for your shoes, then wiggle so hard your hipbone dislocates into three elements which refuse to fuse together. Are you over nineteen? Well go for broke.

The other woman will die when she sees you wearing that dress she has been saving up all her life for. She will accuse the man of being unable to afford the good things in life. She might even leave him, who knows? In that case you can return safely into his arms and let him take a mortgage on the next dress in your wardrobe.