Q. One of my friend likes a 30 year old guy. Do you think that is too much of an age difference? What are the pros and cons of dating someone that much older than you? Need some good advice. Thanks
A. I don't see anything too wrong with a 10 year gap. It depends on the feelings between the people and how mature both are in dealing with it. There are only two things wrong with dating someone of more than 5 years older.
First, that person would have enjoyed their youth already, been there and done that, so they are likely not to be interested in the kind of things (like partying and playing etc) which a younger person might wish to indulge in. The 30 year old would be more mature and experienced, would have probably had a job for a few years, and would want someone who matches them in that respect, while the 20 year old is just starting out on their exciting journey and would need the time to get that experience and maturity too.
Second, we all go through set stages of evolution in our lives (seven in all) which mould our perspectives and affect how we see the world. A 30 year old might wish to settle down because he/she is in Stage 2 of their adult development (the period of Responsibility and Choice) whereas the 20 year old is in Stage 1 (the Age of Self-Discovery and Experiment). It means one person will be keen to settle down, to make life choices and begin the process of taking responsibility for themself in a mature way, while the other person will be busy discovering their world and finding out about themself first. Two different ways of seeing life, especially if they find it hard to compromise. In time, those two opposing perspectives are likely to create a lot of impatience and misunderstanding between the couple which then makes a longer term partnership less likely.
That is the main reason why relationships with huge age gaps are very tricky. If the people involved do not grow together or come to share the same perspectives, it cannot survive. Personal tastes, particularly in music and fashion and knowledge would also be very different because 10 years is almost like a generation when it comes to our lifestyles. That would lessen the things the couple can relate to between them which eventually means having different sets of friends to connect with who can validate and affirm each party.
Such an age gap can work, but it really depends on the parties and the degree of love and appreciation between them. But it is not a good prognosis at the beginning. Perhaps when the younger person reaches 26 it might be a good time to consider such a match, because they will also be in Stage 2.
