It's nothing new. Sailors and warriors in the olden days would leave their partners and families for years, even decades. Think about the Odyssey and the Crusades. In our millennium, we are talking more in terms of weeks, sometimes months.
During the first 8 years of our married life, my husband, a management consultant, was away on project assignments Mondays till Fridays. We had what we call -in this day and age - a commuter marriage.
Now, skeptics out there said outright “It won't work”. We said, “Let's give it a try and make it worthwhile.”
Talk as much as possible. In this day and age, there is no reason why you can't talk to each other everyday day. A conversation a day can keep the divorce lawyer away. Discuss the day's plans or events depending on the timing of the conversation. Don't leave your partner out of your life just because he or she is out of sight. Distance should not be a hindrance to marital communication.
Share the commuting. For the commuting partner, traveling can be tiring. For the stay-at-home partner, waiting can be tedious. So why not change places once in a while? Despite my own busy schedule at the academia, I got to visit my husband where his assignments took him: London, Riyadh, Madrid, Dubai, to name a few. He got a break from jet lag.
Make homecoming relaxing - for both partners. Weekends are usually spent catching up with chores and visiting family and friends. But we also spent many weekends by ourselves, sleeping in, jogging together, dining out, taking walks, or watching TV. Such simple things that can recharge the body and the spirit, can also work wonders on relationships.
Meet somewhere else. To break the monotony, meet somewhere else for the weekend. It might be planned, it might be spontaneous. But a weekend spent exploring a new place together would be just the thing to break the tediousness of married life - commuter or not.
It has to stop sometime. Your commuter marriage is working just perfectly. However, keep in mind that the commuting partner might have to slow down at some stage. Change of jobs, kids, retirement, these are just some of the reasons why your commuter marriage might have to change to a traditional, non commuting one. If this happens, be ready for the transition.
We had a commuter marriage for over 8 years and we enjoyed every minute of it. We now have a traditional see-you-in-the-evening-darling” marriage and we are enjoying it, too. How we made the transition - that's another story.
