If you're at the point where you want to move on from the having fun and waiting to see stage into yes, we're in a relationship, chances are you're spending a fair bit of time wondering how to make the transition.
After all, maybe you're reading your date completely wrong and all the signs you think you see that they want to get serious are nothing more than harmless flirting. Here you are, completely and hopelessly in love, and they are just passing the time till something better comes along. It's a nightmare wondering if now's a good time to bring up the subject.
Some might suggest that if you want an answer to a question, any question, then just get to the point and ask. After all, they can only say no. But the wrong answer would leave you completely devastated….
There are some things you shouldn't do in early-days relationships, however, and having The Big Chat is one of them. Putting someone on the spot and demanding a specific decision is going to put them in a very uncomfortable position and could well damage rather than build intimacy.
Questions like ''where do you think this relationship is going?'', ''what do you want for the future?'' and so on are real romance killers. There you were having fun and enjoying each other's company, and all of a sudden you're trying to introduce a defined framework and rules.
It tends to be women who want to stick labels on relationships, whereas men are usually quite happy to continue going out, having fun and enjoying the moment. They think, why change things when they are working so well.
Women on the other hand (often) seek security and reassurance that they are in an official situation. There are all kinds of genetic reasons for this, some more boring than others, but the bottom line is that women can spoil a good thing by trying to formalise a promising relationship too soon.
As soon as a man hears his girlfriend talking about commitment, he gets a series of pictures in his panicking brain; associated with losing his independence, having to change his life, and everyone automatically assuming marriage is on the way.
Chances are if he really likes you, unless he's the shallow type of man that will never commit to anyone, then he will come to the decision on his own that he wants to make that commitment. But bringing it up too soon and putting on the pressure will have the opposite effect you desire and make you wish you had never mentioned it in the first place.
So continue to have fun, enjoy being together and use that patience we all have inside us to wait and see. It will reap benefits in the long run.
