While some people really never stop dating just because they have gotten married, marriage for most people is a commitment to one person for life. When the marriage shatters, the pain is felt across every plane of life. One of the places that this pain shows its presence is when one spouse decides to begin dating.
After being married even a modest length of time, getting back into the dating scene can feel something beyond awkward. It may be the first time after the divorce decree when true guilt pops up. You felt it was the right decision to end the marriage, but now dating feels like cheating. If you go on that first date quickly after the divorce, the guilt will be much greater than if you wait six months or even a year. You need time to feel like you are single again before becoming a couple with someone else.
The guilt will cause you to try to keep your dating from your spouse. You may even be afraid of hurting him or her by dating another person. Unless you really believe that the divorce was a mistake and want to reconcile, you need to confront this guilt head on. Even if your spouse is jealous or hurt by your dating, you are entitled to have some fun and companionship in your life.
If you continue to sneak around to date, the problem will only be worse when your ex-spouse learns that you have been hiding it. Once the decision has been made, there is no reason to hide that you have begun to date. You do not need to flaunt it either. If you have children in common, this may just make it worse for them.
There are times when the ex-spouse gets angry about you dating. If the person has a problem with his or her temper, try not to be overly obvious at first. This is even more true if you are dating lots of different people. It is not that you are hiding them, but there is no reason to subject strangers to the possible scene that could evolve.
Once you begin to settle into a more exclusive dating situation, find a way to introduce your new interest to your former spouse if you have children. If there are no children, there may be no real reason for you to be around your ex-spouse anyway.
Do not make the introduction a big deal and have an escape plan to keep it short. More than five minutes is excessive unless you and your ex-spouse are good friends after the divorce. Even in that case, respect the fact that it will be uncomfortable for the new person in the group.
If the ex-spouse becomes too intrusive, the attorney may need to be called back to the table to settle the problem in front of a judge. In no case should you allow yourself to be in danger if the ex-spouse has a tendency to violence. Usually the threat of legal action is enough to cause an ex-spouse to back off. Remember, you are not married any longer, your dating is none of his or her business except as it might relate to your children.
