Because divorce is so readily available and the new age stronger woman is now contented with a different kind of “semi-committed” relationship, it is easier for men, who still do the majority of the proposals, to take longer to do so if at all.
Has this 21st-century wave of much coveted, en vogue independence really worked in our favour, or has it served to show our male counterparts that we find them slightly redundant and don't need them to commit to us? When they finally pluck up the courage to do so, (and like our great grandmothers, most of us still wait for them to) are they proposing for the right reasons? If not, unlike some of our female ancestors, we have the option, the freedom, and the following reasons to decline the offer.
1. Does he just want to stop you from leaving him?
Wait to say yes if he is proposing just after a major fight during which you threatened to leave. He is merely employing a desperate measure to make you stay put in a relationship that is obviously fraught with issues. If he really means it he will ask again.
2. Is it because he feels guilty after cheating?
Be suspicious if he proposes soon after you discovered that he's cheated. He is simply feeling guilty and obviously knows he's messed up big time, so much so that he takes a reckless gamble at the only thing which he thinks might appease you, a flippant proposal. Later, he might be regretting it as you show off your diamond ring, but by then it's too late for him to back out. Needless to say, this is not a recipe for a successful marriage.
3. Is it due to a rush of lust?
Decline his proposal if he does it in the throngs of passion. He is on a testosterone high and you satisfy his lusts. He may temporarily not be able to differentiate between lust and love, as it is quite easy to get the two mixed up when hormones are flying high.
4. Is he known for having several fiancés?
You know what your chances are of a loving and stable marriage if you're with a serial proposer. If he's had more than two or three fiancées, or worse, more than two or three ex-wives, take a giant step back! It is possible that he is fascinated by marriage or weddings. Make sure that he is certain this time, then when you have, wait a while longer before taking him seriously.
5. Does he ever follow-up?
If you are with a procrastinator, he may have no intention of following up with a wedding date after the engagement. Some blokes are happy to remain in the fiancée/live-in lover arrangement for decades as it allows them to have you hanging on with a partial commitment, while leaving the door open to facilitate a rapid step out in case someone better flits along. Unless you don't mind this arrangement, you could be his fiancée but never actually see the perpetual waiting chapel.
We all have a sense of - let's call it intuition - we know if a guy is good for us maybe after a few dates. We sometimes hold on a while longer, for different reasons. Getting it right before the nuptials is so important because by then it will involve more than just our lives. This union usually involves kids, assets, extended family etc. Breaking up might be heart wrenching but getting divorced is ten times worse. Marriage is certainly not to be plunged into on the off chance of success.
Our reaction to an instinctive proposer makes him a future ex-boyfriend or an ex-husband. The onus is on us to decide which is the lesser of the two evils. Remember, if maintaining a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship seems like hard work, living with him as a husband when he no longer feels like he has to impress you will be almost impossible. No one has to get hitched, but if marriage is on your agenda and you are caught in a relationship with a man whose proposal you can't trust, it might be time to consider the less painful of two possibilities, marry him and hope for the best, or move on to look for the man who is still out there waiting for you to find him.
Thanks, Anne.