Five Signs That Tell Your Relationship is Over

I agree...you just know, even when you are still at the stage where you don't want to admit it.

Icy, this article is brutally honest, and allows for acceptance of the ending of a relationship. Well done.

Cucky, this is very sad. Especially not being able to remember any good memories. A couple who're together must have loved each other at one point, it must be an awful thing to realise that one cannot remember this period.

This is sad, Icy...

Too sad, I guess when trying your best is no longer working, sadly it leaves no other answer but to end the relationship. I would like to believe people can leave as friends, especially when there are children, but the reality is we can not predict all that lies ahead.
*the children if any should become the wonderful memories!

Very good article, we always drag things out to the bitter end! I don't think there is a nice end, it hurts even if we have resigned ourselves to this course of action!

Sigh...relationships...nice work.

Best wishes.

Sincerely,

-Liane Schmidt.

I'm sorry you have had to go through this.
When it gets to this point, it can slowly destroys you if you try to hold on to the nothing that is left behind.

You just described my first marriage. I learned many important lessons from it and am much stronger for it. I wish you luck, Icy and wish you all the best...you deserve it.

This is very sad! Sorry to hear that u had to go thru all this... Wish u good luck in future.

Those signs are definitly true ;) Some of it reminds me of how my Dad treats my Mom.. Even though she tries so hard. Good luck with everything :)

I'm so sorry to hear that you went through something like that. It's better that you got yourself out of that situation.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments!

When it takes everything out of you every day just to deal with the pain, it is definitely time to move on. I hope you are doing well. I told my ex that I could do bad by myself. I sure did not need his help to do that, and you know what? After letting him go it got a lot better. You deserve the best. Do not settle for less.

I can relate to the five signs. It's not a matter of if my other half wants to salvage the relationship... I just dun see that we will have a future together.

I wish you all the best. I know its tough to have no savings and three kids in tow.

Wow that is exactly what I've been feeling and wondering if I should keep trying, thinking that maybe I will change. I am in the same boat of no job, no savings, and two kids.


I wish you the best.

Been there, done that.

Great article!

It takes time Icy but you will find someone who deserves you...someone you can be happy with for the rest of your life. I didn't think I would ever find someone I would want to be with after what I had been through but I found him when I wasn't looking. It always seems to happen that way.

Keep the corners up and God bless.

It's very hard when a relationship has reached the point where there is nowhere else to go.

This article's honestly has probably saved many from the uncertainties of to go on or not to go on. You are full of strength and courage. I admire your ability to not only move on but to share the gut wrenching thoughts and feelings that went along with your decision.

My husband and i have been together for the past ten years, and i used to think that we would grow old together but that is not going to happen. Reading this article has made me to realise that I have been fooling myself for such a long time thinking that things would be better between my husband and I. Thank you for opening my eyes.

I have been with my current boyfriend for two years we have done alot of drugs together and we live 2 hours apart. I barely see him and he always says I love you at the end of every conversation he has forgotten these 3 little words the past 3 times we have talked on the phone he is threating a breakup if I don't quit getting high he has a month sober and I drink about once a week he is 28 years old and I just turned 21, he has never has held a job he now is working and I have the gut feeling it's over but I still love him with all my heart. I don't know what to do, can someone please give me some advice????

Thank you all for your comments.

NICHOLE,

I think you already knew what to do! Drinking and getting high are bad for you, and quiting them is the first great step you can do for yourself before you can give to other. Good luck NICHOLE!

Yes, these are good signs. Good job!

This is a very good article. I feel like it takes too much out of me daily to think about the pain that he has put me through. This has helped me out a lot because I also have 2 kids no savings and can do bad by myself. And at the end of the day I could honestly say that I did my part. He is almost 32 yrs. old and does not have a steady job. Females has also been an issue. I guess that I just need to realize that it is finally over after 13 yrs. off and on and that he seems as if he is the same teenage boy that I met yrs. ago. Its time for a real man to find me. Its time to be happy Sheree!

6. You regret having them tattooed on you. LOL

I myself is going through the pain. but yes, \"you just know.\" but yes, I still don\'t want to admit it.
what if I still love him? :(

Icy, how about this one: when you know your spouse's romantic/sexual daydreams are NOT about you, but about the other people he or she had before you and talked about in such glowing terms when you were newly romantically involved. The pain of knowing that you're not the one on the pedestal does not go away, especially if you ignored it and got married anyway hoping that your spouse would stop harping on your faults and put YOU on that pedestal. Hope is hard to kill, but boy, once dead it STAYS dead. Take it from me, there's nothing worse than being dead inside. And it doesn't help that my spouse and I have not had a date in two years and have no romance. I'm hurting and empty, but I also have a lovely child to consider. Seeing your quiz and the responses of other people does, however, somehow make me feel better and more optimistic about the possibility of a brighter future. Thanks for the chance to vent.

Hollow Man,

I admire your courage and commitment to your child. You can vent any time! As for \"dead inside\", I had experienced that too, and I completely can relate to that feeling..

Please take care of yourself, and I wish things will turn around for you..

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years and i am feeling the same as all of you. I feel dead inside but i always have the thought in my head if i leave, what if i was wrong. Yet ive had my feeling for many years now, and i think reality is staring me in the face and i just won't accept it! Everyone's thought are inspiring and i think it is time to take action where action is needed. Thanx

icy i been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years today is my b-day
and im alone like all my other b-days i have a son that is 6 with him and i love my boyfriend so much but i dont feel he`s in love with me anymore we dont really fight but he ignors me alot and my feelings are sex life is not there he always turns me down we hardley ever talk to oneanother.He seems to push me away all the time but when i bring it up to him about do you love me and he says if he did not love me he would not be with me saying it and showing it is 2 diffrent things im trying so hard to be strong but it hurts hes not the type to show or say what he feels
so i would like to know do you think its over for us o and he seems to be sweet to me only when i gets to leave or go hang out with his guy friends and he sometimes leaves me out i feel he rather be with his friends then with me or could he just keep me around to cook clean and things like that for him so i like to know is it over for us

KS--Thank you for sharing your story! "What if" is the biggest fear we all face. Sound like you know what to do already..Good luck!

Angie--Sorry to hear that! Have you thought about couple counseling? They might be able to help. Women are stronger than they realize. You will know when the time is right!

I have been with this woman for 14 year and love her to death. we have 3 kids together. after we lost our home and financial problem she does not love me like when she was young. When I say I love she does not reply to me. Do you think I should leave her alone. I try and begging one point. I work pay all the bill and I'm not cheating on her anything like. Please advised

Dear Frizz,

I wrote this article based upon my own feelings and situation! I can't advise you to do anything, because only you know what to do. Try talking to her to keep communication going though. Wish you the best of luck life has to offer...

I kno how all you people feel i feel the same way.I been with my boyfriend for 2 years and the 1st year was a struggle but turn out great.We had fun, we showed passion emotion, deep love i thought i be with this man forever.However i made some real stupid and childish mistakes.I was talking to another guy as a friend which turn into flirting and my partner found out.We never took it farther then but almost a yr later, my boyfriend does not trust me.Its becoming an issue for us.I cant take his insecuries i know i made mistakes and im truly sorry for and promise not to ever commit them again but he still accuses me for cheating.We havent had sex in 2 months, doesnt call me baby anymore.I think its time to let go but both of us cant believe its over.

I have been seeing the same guy for almost two years now. Sometimes he talks about us getting married. Sometimes he seems aloof, stays gone for long periods of time, claims he\'s working, and says his boss forgot to pay him for it. I know whats going on but confrontation and letting go aren\'t things I\'m good at.

your messages real help

so my bf and i are having big problems, im 17 an i am also pregnant with his child. i just found out he does not want a serious relationship, which is fine but what does that mean for us, is it over, i dont no what to do i severly need help

@ miszgigi--Thanks for sharing your story, and good luck with whatever you choose to do!

@ Carrie--Good luck to you, and wish you happiness!

@ amu--thank you for your comment!

@ linda--I'm sorry that I can't help. Have you tried to talk to your counselor in school, or your parents for help? They should be able to figure out how to help you or where you can get help. Wishing you all the best!

I know EXACTLY what this feels like (the article that is, which was well written by the way).

I\'ve been with my bf for almost 4 years and I was the eternal optimist, yet he was always so negative, especially in the romance department and with women in general. I thought I could help him, yet all this has done has left me jobless, severely depressed, and empty with a low self-esteem. Yet he still insists that I\'m the yin to his yang.

We have a 12 year age difference between us (he being my junior) and our intimate relationship has been about 10 times or less during the entire relationship. He is 27 years old and only wants to have sex with himself, even though he knows I\'d be a more than willing participant. I don\'t understand this and it has developed into a severe resentment from my side of things.

For him, he says his resentment (of me) comes from his credit card issues (I just found out he has 13 different cards and over $30K debt on them!!!) and he insists that they are not his fault, that they are mine. That I have helped him into debt and that I should share in getting him out by getting a job (yet I\'ve been severely depressed for over a year with no medical insurance to treat it). When in fact, I\'ve always been the one to tell him NOT to purchase things on the cards to save for the item and pay for it in full. I\'ve even offered to help him manage his debt, but he won\'t let me. It seems like either a trust issue or a pride issue, maybe both, I\'m not sure which.

In another event, I also gave in, and turned over my paid for, 3 yr old car to a dealership for us to get a brand new car that went in his name only. (I know, very dumb on my part but he insisted that we were in a solid relationship, we were tightening our finances by working together as a couple by doing this, and the rates were better if I wasn\'t on the car because I didn\'t have \"enough\" credit to be on the car with my one credit card, and he had A++ credit at the time.) The car was supposed to have been mine, until he sold his vehicle to get out from underneath the payment and we downsized to one car. Now I have no way to get to a job and am left without a car, and without my $10K (that went for the trade-in)! Yet he resents me!

Anyway, everyday I am left here at the house, with no family or friends to talk to, no vehicle to get around with and feeling trapped, waiting for the sound of \"HIS\" car to pull into the driveway. He comes in, talks to me (maybe) for 10 mins while he eats dinner and then goes off to the office to play World of Warcraft (online video game) and drinks for hours until I finally go to bed out of sheer loneliness.

I know he is an alcoholic who is not only addicted to that stupid game but also to online porn, which he looks at and gets off to after I go to bed.

I\'ve tried addressing each issue with him, but I get the usual bs answers: \"it helps me relax\" or \"you are the only girl I\'ve ever met that had an issue with porn\" to \"if you think I\'m going to give up porn for the rest of my life, you can forget it!\"

I even tried to tell him if he would share the porn with me, I might be more willing to try to understand his point of view....but he won\'t and nothing ever solves our intimacy problem, and I\'m too loyal of a person to cheat on him.

The only reason I haven\'t left is, believe it or not, when we are with his parents, he is the guy I love: friendly, laughing, forthright with his thoughts, carries a conversation, and is even somewhat affectionate....yet I wonder if it is all for show for his parents. And although his parents are two of the best people you\'d ever want to meet, we spend every one of our holidays, long weekends, birthdays and vacations with them. In this family it just so happens that there is a major holiday or birthday EVERY MONTH of the year so our schedule is planned out every month, months in advance! The only time we went on a vacation by ourselves, was when I paid for us to go and told him I was going whether he went or not...so he went.

And to top it off, I am a college graduate with a degree in a very specific field. We live in an area where getting a job in my field is like a snowball\'s chance in hell! Yet I have helped him more than double his salary since we\'ve been together by encouraging him to apply for the job he has now, helping him write his resume, coaching him through mock interview questions, helping him draft business emails, letters and thank you notes, to even helping give him \"what to do\" advice on office politics, which recently lead him to a $30K raise in this economy! Yet, when I bring up my career and my need to fulfill my dreams he is nonresponsive, or \"can you wait until I finish this online raid in World of Warcraft to talk about this?\", to completely ignoring me about the subject altogether. With his job in computers, he could move to any town, any state, any country and still get a good paying position.

And, I am almost 40 yrs old and have always wanted to have children. He doesn\'t want to have them \"right now\" because he says we can\'t afford them and because he is too selfish right now. I just wanted to put a plan in place that would move us in that direction, but he won\'t even talk about it and when we have, he tells me to go get a job, then we can talk about it. Although I\'m sure bringing children into the world with him would also be a big mistake, it still makes me sad to think of living my life without the joy of children, especially because I have only 2 older living relatives that live 3000 miles away, and I\'d love to have a family of my own someday.

So, I\'m tired...it\'s just a vicious circle, and there are increasingly more verbal fights about the same subjects with no resolution. I\'ve even tried talking to his mom about it, but her son, of course, couldn\'t be any further from \'perfect\' in her eyes.

Again, I\'m so tired but I don\'t know how to get out....no car, no $$, no friends or family to stay with. I feel so trapped...any advice out there? I know it\'s over...

I can feel your pain, and agony, but I'm not a professional to advice you on what to do. You have heard "if there is a will, there is a way"?

Save up enough money and move closer to your family for help at first. You only have one life to live, so live it well! Good luck to you, and many blessings!

Thank you for your kind words BC,

Some days are good, then some days are not so good. Which is when I get so frustrated, then angry (which turns to resentment) because it seems no matter how hard I try to make things better for us, it just keeps getting worse. That\'s why I say, I know it\'s over.

Also, I feel like 90% of my depression has been brought on by this whole situation, yet it\'s the very thing I think he\'s most upset over (my being sick) in general because he doesn\'t understand it, won\'t try to, so therefore he can\'t be supportive, and that\'s why I think his other addictions are in place.

I\'m slowly realizing I won\'t be able to change who he is or what he does....and I don\'t think he will be able (to change himself) either.

Now I just need the courage to take the next step.

Thanks for your support.

So tired---You'll be fine since you know the reason why you're depressed. Take the next step, whatever it maybe, and start over! You're stronger than you think...

I read this and started to cry. I know its over but, im in a bad situation. I have 3 childeen,No money,no job,no family here....what do you do when your husband wont let you leave with your child?The only place to go is another state and you can get in trouble if you take your child out of state without his permission?

Kat--I was in the same situation as yours: 3 kids, no money, no job, and my family was 300 hundred miles away! If you are ready for the next step, call around for a free consultation with a lawyer, and go from there..Good luck to you, and be strong!

Too So Tired,

I know first hand exactly how you feel-you know we as women are always wanting something too hold on to. I want to encourage you to let you know that you can make it and that there is a God that will give you the strength to get up and take your life back. Just allow him to do what he does best, and know that you are loved and that God has a man out there that will bring fulfillment and not heartache to your life.

I wish you all the best!

There are times when you are so in a hole that you don\'t know how to get out. I have been in that position. I know how it is to feel trapped and buried. It is so hard to get the right perspective when you can hardly raise your eyes to see past the despair. If I could have made a move I would have saved years of misery.

i need your help to tell me if its over he dont spend anytime with me he never tell me hoe pretty i am. we sleep with each other every blue moon,he doesnt hug or kiss me anymore. I dont know what to do cause he say he love and he dont want to be without me and he comes home everynight when he get off work but i dont feel wanted anymore

Kim--How can I tell you if it's over for your relationship? I don't know what it's like in your shoes, and only YOU can make that decision. Talk it out with your partner and find some answers.

I just want to be loved. Even if it means I\'ll be abused. I\'d rather have that than be alone.

i love a girl ..took her on date ,,she is my colleague ..i expressed my feelings with her but she treats me as her friend ,nothing more than that ,,what to do plz suggest? ,,shal i leave her or continue to b her friend

@ xyz,

Abuse is not love! When someone treats you bad, and abuse you, that's NOT LOVE..

@naqueed,

What's wrong with just being friends? A good friend can go a long way..

I and my girl been 2gether 4 yrs and I do love her but now it seems we both jus byin our time b4 we move on, I try and enjoy spendin time wid her but I feel its fake the smile she sees on my face, readin everyones thoughs jus tells me its time 2move on but I don\'t wana let her go

Dear Joe,

You are the only one that knows what you should do!

I guess if it's turning out to be one-sided...then it's over...

Nice article!

well that was hard to read as im still in denial and have all but one for the signs (i still remember good times)
I have 4 kids under 7 and like you no money etc, trying to delay moving out but scared sh*tless of doing it all at once.
Nice to see comments from people who are done and over it, that helps.
And thanks for writing this, really helped clear my head. em x

Emma,
You can do it. If you want to, you can do it. Google women's support in your community, or a woman's shelter services, such as access to pro bono legal help or help finding a nice AND affordable apartment.

You have rights to happiness and support your children. A lawyer can help preserve custody of your children.

I still remember the good times. But, I also know the hurt all too well. My husband and I only have 1 child, but the thought of my son feeling hurt or confused if my hubby & I separate is enough to extinguish the thought.

A good friend said, "I hope you stay together, but if you do split, the younger your child is when it happens the better because they ask much harder questions the older and more aware they are." There is truth. I don't know if we will split, but I know I can't imagine living in a marriage like this any longer.

Also, if you have family close that can help you, that's great. With 4 kids, it will be VERY difficult, but you can do whatever you put your mind to. Also, a happier mom, means happier kids. You'll also show them that the relationship was unacceptable, rather than teaching them to be tolerant. They learn from you what's acceptable behavior. My husband isn't abusive verbally or physically, but he hasn't kissed me or touched me in over a year, other than the "peck" at the door to have a good day. It is rather like emotional abuse that no one sees and only I feel. My son even says kiss mama, or kiss papa to us, as if he needs to see us affectionate. I do not want to teach him that such a plutonic marriage is normal, AND i DEFINITELY do not want him to learn his father's traits of emotional passive aggressiveness.

Best of luck to you.

I could definately add a few more signs to that list. I am a mother of three very young children. Their father and I have been seperated for two years and have yet to complete a divorce. In the meantime I have managed to meet an overly controlling and overly jealous man that I keep exhausting my entire extistence by being with. He has good reason for not liking my childrens father, but the fact that he is not welcome to our home, even to pick the kids up is going too far!! My boyfriend drops to levels so low that I cant understand how he doesnt see the way he is only embarressing himself by not showing up to birthday parties, or family gatherings, because their biological father is going to be there.

That is just one of many things. Trust is very shaky. He uses the things I did in my marriage against me. Because he brings home the majority of the money, he wants to manage the bills, and god forbid if I try to talk about the finances. I\'ve been abused. I dont recieve any appreciation for the hard work I put in around our home. His explanation is why should he mention about anything I have done because its all things I would have to do even if he was here or not. That just plain hurts me. I know he wants personal attention, but that statement right there, hurts me. I dont deserve that.

But, then theres my other hurdle. When he has walked out that door, I beg him to stay. Give him every reason why he should. Why am I so weak? Im really not thinking of any particular reason why Im getting so upset and asking him to say. All Im feeling is hurt. Then the thought that he will stay makes the hurt stop. Will somebody please tell me how I can remind myself of all the terrible things that go on between us so I can just LET HIM GO!!

Bottom line is my feelings cant be like this every single day and be wrong!!!! Somethings got to give! Everyone says to give him the boot. The hardest part? Im worried.....worried as ever. If I kick him out, Im stuck. My job isnt enough money to survive. Ive tapped out every government agency imaginable. Their bio father is behind on his child support, (yea court ordered) since January after being laid off. He is finally working again, but Im not sure when that money will start coming. Its enough for me to make it if my boyfriend was to leave, but thats if and when I start getting the money.

I just want to be happy. I want my kids to be happy. Im tired of them seeing Mommy sad all the time. My four year old says mommmy I wish Josh would leave. I asked why, and he said, because hes mean! My heart broke. The man has never been mean to those children, but im realizing that when they see him being mean to mommy, thats him being mean to them!!!!!

Well, I hope for better day for myself and all of you other women out there!

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly eight years, and she sometimes says to me that she loves me but is not in love with me, afterwards she apologises. Do I need to end the relation ship, before we move in together. Or is that just the way relationships are??

I really am feeling low, I feel that I do need to end it, but really ait got the balls, I don't want to hurt her feelings, we always said we would be together forever!!!!

I just don't know what the he'll to do!!!

Why are relationship so bloody hard??

Ps I am 26 and we don't live together yet!!!

Sad Heather--I thought I've left a comment here before, and don't know where it went!

It seemed to me you know the answer to your situation, but you're not ready to take that step just yet..You'll know when it is time..

Stu--relationship needs constant work! When we're together that long with one person, we seem to forget the good qualities that person has. Find ways to reconnect and remember why you love the person before..

well i will tell you what to look for , whenyou say something and your partner says , ok ok later . when everything you say , he/she says that is so stupid . when they sleep on the coach . when they dont look you in the eyes when you talk .. when there are certain things in bed he/she wont do with you . when they cant wait to go somewhere without you . when they cry all the time and complaine how unhappy they are .