This requires a complete and utter trashing of all things clichéd. Candles, suspenders and Barry white can pile on the pressure, rather than ease it. A shared shower can be a good beginning, but so is being assertive enough to suggest a quickie if that's what you really want.
Having a great sex life is not about creating your own mini-porn movie every night; it's about finding new ways to initiate sex and having as much fun as possible. Don't wait until a bedtime or after a big dinner, when you're both sleepy and not sexy. Early morning sex can be a brilliant start to the day - you'll cruise to work feeling loved and lusty.
The element of surprise can also be a huge turn-on. Grab your partner when he least expects it. Without warning, take his hand and lead him, not to the bed, but somewhere new-the floor or a piece of furniture and just do it there and then.
Or have a quickie 15 minutes before your parents are coming for lunch. Think beyond your normal routine. If you have sex on Friday evenings, take a picnic to bed on Saturday afternoon instead. Or if you find sex during the week too taxing, join him in the shower after work and see where that leads. Something as simple as buying yourself new lingerie can make all the difference. And remember that in the real world, perfect looks, re rarely the turn-on they're supposed to be-consider the gorgeous celebrities who struggle to find and keep a mate. Attraction is a complex matter- if he likes you enough to get into bed with you, then he already finds you attractive.
MOUTH TO SOUTH
The best starting point is remembering that the majority of men simply love the fact that you're willing to do it in the first place. This in itself should be a boost to your confidence and encourage you. But if you don't like it, is there anything that you can do?
A great way to reduce pressure is to treat oral sex as part of foreplay, instead of the whole picture. Don't even attempt to bring him to orgasm; just take your time exploring and playing around. Try tongue-flicking, licking or using your hands-whatever you feel like doing. Treat it as a mini erotic massage.
Don't put yourself under pressure. Ripping back the covers and diving straight for it isn't much of a turn-on. Anticipation is the best part. Having a long bath together is a great start. And remember you don't have to go too deep most of the feeling is at the top of the penis.
FUN WITH FANTASY
Most women have fantasies but too many are ashamed of them. If you feel this way I'd recommend reading books on sexuality which will show that nothing you're thinking is too different from what everyone else is. Take it in turns to read a sexual confession to each other. You could each confess one sexual fantasy of your own.
SMS and email provide other possibilities. Try SMSing or emailing your partner two sentences of a steamy fantasy, then ask him to add the next two sentences and send it back. It makes the journey home from work a lot more interesting and gives you the chance to discover fantasies that appeal to both of you.
Or maybe you could pretend that you had a dream the night before about the two of you doing what you want to try. Tell your partner about it in a joke fashion and see how he responds. If he looks horrified, he's not going to be into real life. If he looks intrigued and asks lots of question then you can say, you look like you'd quite like it to happen! “How about we give it a try?”
The world of sexual fantasies should be approached with caution. Remember that while sharing fantasies can be fun, you are still entitled to your privacy, and so is he.
Sometimes when you've told a fantasy, you might find it's not as much fun anymore. Also, think about your reasons for telling him. Is it to turn you on? Will it turn him on? And realize that you may not want to hear his fantasies- they may not involve you.
If, however, you have fantasies you think you and your partner could share and enjoy, say them nice and slowly, sentence by sentence, pausing in between, reading his body language to see if it's right for him. Don't do it in the bedroom where the pressure is on. Choose another time over a glass of wine in the garden, so if things progress, great. If not, there won't be an awkward, inescapable pause.
