“For richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health... I will love, honor and obey thee all the days of our lives.”
Thus go our wedding vows, our promises made to our spouse, and more so to our God.
But more than obligations to fulfill, they are gifts - because these vows hold the secret to having a happily married life.
“I Promise To Love.”
You did not promise to remain IN-love. You did not promise to FEEL love. You promised to LOVE.
Love is not something you feel. Love is something you choose to do. No matter what.
Even if he snores.
Or leaves his socks and clothes on the floor.
Or eats too much.
Or loses his job.
Or yells at you.
Or even hits you.
Or has an affair.
Or falls in love with someone else.
Scandalous? I know!!!
But marriage is a commitment. You commit yourself to love, for better or for worse.
Of course, to love him does NOT mean to let yourself be his doormat or punching bag.
Let me repeat that:
Loving does NOT mean taking his abuse!
If he is doing something illegal,
If he is hitting you or the kids,
If he is verbally or emotionally abusive,
If he or committing adultery,
You don't have to take it!
Love does what is best for the other. It is NOT love to let him keep thinking that it is all right to be a monster.
If he is abusing you or your kids, you must hand him over to the law. If he is sleeping with other women, he cannot live with you at the same time.
But that does not mean you stop loving him. When - or if - he gets out of prison, or ends the affair, he should realize that you are still there, still waiting, still loving.
Easier said than done. Marriage, you must realize by now, is not for the weak.
“I Promise to Honor”
To honor your husband means to make him feel like the big, strong man - whether or not he really is.
You might be surprised. You see, people often live up to their images. If you treat him like a respectable, responsible and loving fellow, it becomes more likely that he will someday really become one.
To honor your husband means:
- Stopping whatever you are doing to welcome him when he gets home.
- Keeping his home clean and peaceful.
- Making yourself attractive to his eyes.
- Keeping yourself presentable in public so he can brag about his beautiful wife.
- Never criticizing him in front of other people.
- Being tactful and kind when correcting him in private.
- Bragging to others about his wonderful qualities.
- Teaching his children to respect who he is - but not necessarily what he does.
- If you earn more and it bothers him, whether he says so or not, being willing to give up your higher paying job.
- Treating him like a king.
Honoring Your Husband Means Not Trying To Change Him...
Even if you think doing so would make him a healthier, holier or happier man. You must understand as soon as possible that men do not change because their wives ask them to do so. In fact, the more the wife pushes, cajoles or begs a husband to change, the longer it takes him to do so, simply because he does not want to look like he was controlled by his wife.
But they do change.
“I Promise to Obey”
This is perhaps the most controversial part of your wedding vows, but obedience is the greatest key to happiness in marriage.
Obedience means letting him have the final say in all decisions. You can present the facts, plead your side and make an appeal, but the final say is his, and it must be obeyed.
Obedience means he chooses:
Which house to buy,
Which school your children go to,
Whether or not you should quit your job,
Whether or not your mother can live with you,
Whether or not you pay your debts,
Whether or not you go to church.
There ARE limitations to obedience.
If obedience endangers your mortal life or safety, or your children's mortal lives and safety, then you don't have to obey:
He cannot make you harm yourself, your children or anybody else.
He cannot make you shoot yourself, or anybody else.
He cannot force you to indulge in sadomasochism.
If he has STD, or his activities put him at high risk for STD, he cannot force you to sleep with him.
He cannot keep you from leaving him if he abuses you or your children.
The gift of obedience is that it removes a heavy burden from you: That of being your husband's keeper.
Obedience removes the burden of being your husband's keeper
You keep your children; you support your husband.
That means you help him when he asks for it. Otherwise, you sit restfully by his side to adore or be quiet.
You don't carry the burden of his conscience.
You don't police his diet.
You don't interfere with the way he does his business.
You don't remind him of his sins.
It doesn't matter how much you want to; he won't let you, anyway.
Because that is HIS job. In case you didn't notice his vows...
He Promised to Take Care of You, Where You Promised to Obey Him
It's his job to take care of you and your children's physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. He is to feed you, protect you, comfort you and bring you to God.
If you and your children starve or become indebted or never go to church, the blame and responsibility all fall on him, whether he likes it or not. You suffer all together, but he suffers the most because he is accountable all by himself. That is a burden he carries alone. That is the gift you receive from obedience.
“All the Days of Our Lives”
There are many controversial questions that this article might raise. I must admit, I am not the best authority to answer them. I simply want to share my insights, hoping they will be as helpful to you as they have been to me.
God bless you in your marriage!
What about a husband honoring and respecting his wife?
What about him?
Marriage is a partnership. Yes, there has to be compromise.
The person you marry isn't going to change because you marry them magically into someone perfect.
But writing an article that says you have to lie down and take it because you're married now? And that I have to stop what I'm doing when he comes home? And that I have to raise the children to respect him?
Why don't you implicate that in a partnership, you do and build together.
This article is terrible.