This is a favorite subject of mine. Because number one it is taboo. Number two everyone has two different feelings about it. Either, they feel that being friends then lovers is bad, because what if the relationship doesn't work. Or they feel that friend then lover makes the best relationships. I have not heard anyone that feels indifferent. So, I would like to discuss both sides of that equation.
I think friends make the best lovers if, you are truly friends. Two phrases used too loosely these days are “That's my friend,” and “I love you.” Usually we call people friends that were truly only acquaintances. Acquaintances are people that we know about and get along with, but don't truly know personally. We may even hang out with them. We may have met some family.
But we do not know the heart of this person.
What makes a friend anyway? There can be many definitions for this. But I will only stick with the basics, because this article is not to teach you how to choose friends. You will know what hurts a friend, and what makes them smile. You will know how they drink their coffee and that they are allergic to maple. You will know the small stuff about that person. And they will know that small stuff about you.
You will be inside their life with their family and friends. You will bond through constantly hanging out. Whether you did it at one time in your life or you are doing it now. A friend knows the essence of you and you know the same. It is what makes the relationship work as a lover.
Lots of times our so called “friends” are not friends at all. They are nice people. We don't share our heart with them and they by all means don't share their heart with us. We exchange stories, gossip, and talk politics. We hang out from time to time and nothing ever becomes “real.” We just have fun. That is an acquaintance to the heart.
Most time it is these “friends” that don't make good lovers. We get into a relationship with them and we find out who they really are and our acquaintanceship is now lost. And we are sad, because at least we had something versus nothing before this train wreck of a relationship.
These relationships usually are not as train wreck as we feel that they are. They are merely a crash course in “get to know me.” It's overwhelming and a lot of hurt feelings get involved, because you thought you knew this person. And in such an intimate setting getting to know each other can be pretty heavy stuff.
So, I say take care who you call friend. Make sure that this really is your friend, before you make the relationship serious. Try dating without adding the sexual element. I know that this could be a challenge, but very doable. I have tried this and it helps. Masturbate before you leave out for a date. This works for men and women. It makes you a much cooler person and you can concentrate on the person instead of thinking about ripping their clothes off later.
So chum up with your love interest. Have fun. Go out with other friends. I mean where it's not a lovers dating session. I know all about the 4 men 4 women group date. No, I mean, the group of mutual friends date. If you don't have mutual friends, then group a few of your friends up and a few of your love interest friends up and have a go!
Some of them can be couples the only rule here is: don't make it intimate. The same amount of men and women will definitely make it intimate. Please don't have 3rd, 5th or 7th or 11th wheels. Everyone is a couple, except one person. That is just plain weird and uncomfortable for that one person. And it still leaves the date very intimate, with one small hater.
This kind of dating can give the two of you a chance to become real friends. You may even find that those initial love interest feelings go right out the window. That can be a good thing and you can truly find a good friend. Or find out that that person may not be such a good friend. If a person can't be a good friend, then don't expect them to be a good lover.
So, there it is. I still say that “true friends” makes the best lovers. The relationship can be very rewarding. You know the ins and outs of that person. You guys won't have too many overwhelming surprises with each other while learning to be intimate. It makes for a good thing.
So be friends and lovers. Just make sure that you are really friends first.
