If your mate broke up with you and your heart feels like a sledgehammer, tore it apart, you have one of two choices, you can either wallow in the pain of it all; and you can carry on with your negative thoughts and berate yourself, thus making yourself MORE miserable. OR you can do something completely different and choose to get over him/her as quickly as possible.
During the first few days and even the first few weeks of losing the one you loved, you should first allow yourself to go through the various stages of the grieving process. It is good to know what these stages are so you can cut through the chase, by experiencing them and getting over it.
The first stage is denial: This can't be happening, we've been through so much together, we loved each other! Then comes anger: Why did s/he dump me? Was it because s/he was cheating? It is just not fair I did so much and they stab me in the back this way."
You then try to go back and bargain with h/him and yourself: "what can I change in myself to get you back? If only you'll come back to me things would be entirely different.
After trying to bargain and not getting h/her back, you will start to get depressed. You may say, I'm so sad, I can't bother with anything, I can't work, or sleep, I can't stand it. (This is when you go to the store and get yourself a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey and sob for awhile).
After a time your heart finally decides to accept the situation, so with brave tears in your eyes, you take in the pain and say: I'm going to be okay.
Once you know these stages you can then turn your thoughts around so you can move on. When you lose your loved one, your romantic partner, you must focus on the love you already have in your life. Gratitude for those you love, and for those who love you is key to getting over the initial pain of being dumped. Talk to friends, relatives, and take a day off work. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself if you have to, but surround yourself with love from others in your life. Be grateful they can see your true self and love you for who you really are. Unlike the person who dumped you who didn't know what you had to offer.
Force yourself to go out. Take a walk, join a club, take classes in sky diving or ballroom dancing, change the vibration of your energy. Be one with nature, ask yourself if you are still breathing, then stop and listen to the breath so you can be in the all-important "moment." Go to the movies, put on a song, like "I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. Learn the lyrics and sing it in the bathroom. Follow the advice of the fabulous Louise Hay by taking a good look at yourself in the mirror and saying I LOVE you! Or go outside and yell as loud as you can: "I LOVE MYSELF" - be sure it's in a place where there aren't any neighbors to complain about your yelling.
If you have been with your mate, more than 10 years allow yourself one year to heal before you date.
If less than ten years allow yourself at least 3 to 6 months before you date again. Dating is important not so much to find someone new to love, but to get back into socializing and getting to know new people again. If love happens, it happens. Relax and learn that the next person you date is a friend first before s/he can be anything else. It never hurts to have friends, so look at your new date without expectations.
Some of you may say -- What? No date for a YEAR? "I can't be alone that long." So you need to ask yourself if you wish to attract some person while you are on the rebound and end up being worse off than before. The rebound love could end up being a stalker or ax murderer, depending on your vibration and how you are feeling over your recent break up. It's better to take a "relationship break" until you are healed from the past and learn to love yourself again. Loving yourself is the key to finding true love.
In the end, when all is said and done, you will look back on your heartbreak experience and know you have grown and are the better for it. You may also look back and rejoice that it ended when it did because the future could hold a much better match for you for this lifetime. You may end up with someone you could actually love and be with for the next 30 years without all the obsessions of the past relationship.
