It's funny how much our perspective can change over time. This applies to just about anything. Food: I used to hate broccoli, now I find it tasty. Fashion: Whatever emphasized what I had, I wore. Now, if it's comfortable, clean, and in good shape, I wear it.
Love is one of the most profound things of which I have changed my perspective. I've had the opportunity to speak with many people about this, and I do not think I am alone. Whether it is hormones, attitude, age, or a combination, something about our definition of Love changes over time. I should mention that I am in my upper 40's. There are probably changes ahead that even I don't know about, but here are my findings to date;
Love as a teenager
Most teenagers think they know what love is, but haven't a clue. I was no different. It was a time of curiosity, mild discovery, and hormonal party central! I fell in love with darn near anyone who gave me positive attention, whom I found attractive and sincere. Love in retrospect, meant nothing, yet felt like everything at that age. Remember, teenagers know it all!
Love in my 20s
Young and idealistic as well as freshly graduated, I found love around every corner. This was a time of growing emotionally, yet still being very naïve about relationships, and love. One of my “loves” was a much older man who wrote me a poem. I swooned. He wrote me a poem! I thought, at the time, it was the most romantic, thoughtful thing a man could do. (what was I thinking?) What I didn't realize at the time, because of my age, was that men actually preyed on women. Imagine that. Most young women in their twenties want to believe everything a man says. Love in my 20's was idealistic, romanticized, and much centered around sex.
Love in my 30s
By this time, I was starting to figure out the game. I also figured out that I somehow seemed to send out signals to the wrong men. I began to learn that what men say, and what they do, can be two different things. I began to realize that “Men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love.” By this time, I was married, but not well married. I still hadn't caught on to what the right type of man for me was. But, for the time, Love was security, mundane, and pretty predictable. It was also during this time, that I learned that it was not enough. There had to be more to “love” than what I had.
Love in my 40s
Love is a word I use sparingly now, save for my children and grandchildren. I know that love encompasses much more than sexual satisfaction or material stability. Physical appearance is no longer near the top of my list. I feel that to truly love someone I have to accept them as a whole person, good and bad, negative and positive. I have learned that they must accept me the same way. Love is much more complicated, yet much clearer than I had ever though possible. When I find love again, it will be someone with whom I can laugh, share, accept, and build a life with. Love does not mean you have to spend all of your time together. In fact, love is having personal space, and letting your partner have the same. Love is comfortable, not a performance.
Summary
Although in my 20s and 30s I thought I knew all there was to know about love. I hadn't a clue. I have come to learn that love is not all sex, it's not all good times, and it's not all about me! I don't know that I ever will find love again, and it's something I do not worry about. If it is meant to be, it will be. That is one big thing I have learned about love. It's okay to not be in love. (But it sure is great when you are!)
Thanks for the read,
ImaWrite