When a marriage fails, there is always one and only one cause: one spouse stops trying. It might be that one of you takes the other for granted. It might be that one of you is so troubled by stresses outside the marriage that it contaminates the relationship. It might be any number of things. But, in the end, what it all comes down to is one of you cuts the other off. It always ends the same way; one breaks the other's heart with a thousand little cuts of neglect, and that builds a resentment between you that seems insurmountable. Then, you give up, and it's all over.
You might say that one spouse gets selfish. He or she turns his or her attention inward, focusing on his/her own wants, desires, and problems. Sometimes, that spouse will feel bitter toward the other whenever that other, who is supposed to be the single most important, beloved, and valuable person in his/her life, needs that love the most. That's when the problem turns critical.
Put Your Spouse First
This is the first rule because it is the most important. Put your spouse first, ALWAYS. That is, at its most basic level, precisely what love is. Two people, so devoted to each other, that they will each drop anything and everything whenever the other has a need. And that rule works both ways; your partner needs to put you first too.
It might seem like you're giving up yourself. In a way, you are. But, if you both do this, you will get far more in return. You'll feel gratified, and you'll get everything you could have ever wanted. Most of all, you'll be happy, and feel loved.
Has your spouse ever done something sweet for you, like make you breakfast in bed? Sure, you could make pancakes yourself without much effort, but isn't it so much nicer to have them made for you?
Not only is it one less thing for you to do, but it is one more thing that shows you that he/she is putting you first; that he/she cares enough to do that for you. If you both do the same, and go above and beyond for each other, you'll both feel rewarded, appreciated, and blissful.
Appreciation Works Wonders
Don't take anything for granted. You don't have to say “Thank you” every time he/she does something you never asked him/her to, but it won't hurt you to.
In a way, that is the point. You don't have to say “Thank you”, but do it anyway. It is one more example of going the extra mile. Isn't your love worth such a tiny bit of effort?
Don't Be An Ingrate
Even if you can't be bothered to show your appreciation every time he/she does something nice for you (and everything counts as "nice"), never, ever be ungrateful.
For example, consider this situation:
A wife comes home to find the dishes done, kids bathed, laundry folded, dinner ready, and everything else exactly as it should be. Except for one thing: the carpet hasn't been vacuumed.
This wife could react in one of three ways. First, she might not react at all, which is most peoples' standard reaction. Remember, though, that the divorce rate is 50% right now. There is a lot of stress on both members of a couple that has nothing to do with the marriage. 'Standard' isn't going to cut it. You need each other, today more than ever. Remember about going the extra mile.
Second, she might say something like “You're so wonderful for having all this done.” If you focus on the positive, things will be positive. Show appreciation for what you have; don't focus on the things you don't. Especially when they are so unimportant as this. Is an unvacuumed floor worth your marriage? Is your love so cheap as that?
Third, she might comment on the floor. Forget everything else that her husband put effort in to please her, that one simple thing is not done. The ensuing conversation will probably run along these lines:
Mrs: “I see you didn't vacuum.”
Mr: “Sorry, I didn't get a chance. (Insert explanation here). But I did do (all the other stuff).”
Mrs: “So what do you want? A medal? That's all stuff you're supposed to do anyway. If you can't be bothered to do just one simple thing…”
See the problem? See the difference? In the last example, the wife focuses on the negative, to the exclusion of all that is positive. And so, it all becomes negative.
