Okay, so you've noticed some pretty strange things with your husband, boyfriend, or friend with privileges lately. He's dressing snazzier and spending more time at work. Come to think of it, he's been a little too chummy on the phone for you to believe he is really talking to a (non-intimate) colleague… especially when he hangs up abruptly when he realizes you may be privy to more than you need to know.
The thing is, if he is having an affair, you need to know. Asking him point blank if he is having an affair is likely to be met with a denial and an accusation that you are paranoid, crazy or have a very vivid imagination. You will need to do some super sneaky sleuthing to either confirm your suspicions or to set your fears to rest.
Phone Bill
Try to get your hands on the mobile phone bill and scan it for numbers you don't recognize. Before dialing a bunch of unfamiliar numbers, do a reverse look-up on a site like anywho.com. You will be able to narrow down your list accordingly. Look for numbers that don't fit his lifestyle. For most men, this would include any number to a health clinic, a nail salon, a bank or a school. Assuming your husband is not having a gay affair, these are all employers with high concentrations of women. Remember, if he is two timing you with someone also in an affair, they are probably going to chat on the job to allay suspicions.
Use the *67 feature before dialing any of the questionable telephone numbers to hide your number so it won't readily be traced back to you. The last thing you want is for your man to know you may be on to his affair. A private call increases the likelihood you will go straight to voice mail. Have a pen ready and write down the names. Don't disregard friends in common, either, since most men have affairs with women already in their circle of friends. Those ladies on the PTA with you or the boss's secretary are all fair game.
If he seems to be sending and receiving a lot of calls to the same place, take notice of any patterns - the time of day, the duration of the call, etc.
Credit Card Statements
Credit card and debit card statements can be a wealth of information. Is he sending flowers and you didn't receive any? Are there two deliveries on Valentine's Day? Dining at restaurants you've never been to? Even worse, if he is shopping at Victoria's Secret and you haven't seen any of the goodies, this is pretty strong evidence that he is guilty of having an affair.
If he did charge a flower arrangement to his card, it may have been delivered. Don't be afraid to call the florist and ask if they have a record the arrangement was received, and don't say you are the wife. Say you are his secretary calling because the recipient of his floral arrangement was angry she was forgotten on her special day. The florist may go into overdrive to prove the delivery was made and give you more information than you bargained for.
If there isn't anything purchased that is out of the ordinary, look for cash withdrawals that seem a little off kilter. He may be hitting up the ATM before hitting the town with his girlfriend so he doesn't leave an obvious trail. Call the bank to find out which location the money is being taken from, and see if there is a pattern.
Credit card statements also can prove he wasn't where he said he was at a given time. If he is telling you he is in another time zone for business one weekend but his credit card shows he gassed up two towns over, you'vecaught him in a pretty big lie. You'll have to keep tabs on him surreptitiously for this strategy to be effective.
The Stake Out
This is best left to a professional, but if a private investigator isn't in your budget, enlist the aid of a friend. See if you can't borrow someone else's car if you think he'll recognize your friend's vehicle. Pick a time when he has said he will be at a meeting or out of town. Wait for him to leave the parking lot where he works (or train station, whatever the case may be) and just see where he goes. Don't dangle an obvious camera around to see if you catch him cheating, either. Use a camera phone. Don't approach them. If you can stand it, wait for them to finish their meal, rendezvous or whatever they are doing and see what happens after that. They may head to her place if she isn't attached or her man really is out of town.
It also helps to bring a friend because the surge of adrenaline you feel may make you want to choke the life out of the two-timer. She will hopefully keep you from doing anything you may later regret. You also may not find anything. Be willing to keep after it if you are convinced your husband or boyfriend is cheating. Follow your intuition, ladies! Most women know their husbands are having affairs, even if without solid proof.
