Kate (34) and Sammy (41) have been dating for five years now. When asked why they are not just making plans to walk up the aisle, Kate says, “I love him so much that I don't want our love to recede.” This is the seeming truth about marriages. Researchers say that approximately one in every three marriages end in separation. There is wealth of information published on this subject, but despite this education, the figures stubbornly remain the same. The hard truth is that the trauma caused by divorce needs to be dealt with cautiously to save the mind and body from speedy disintegration. The following are plans you can adopt to endure this period unscathed.
Divorce is Business
To cope adequately with divorce, firstly consider the situation as a business transaction. This mindset is very important as you are preparing to enter into dispute resolutions, negotiations and maybe litigation. The struggle for property, custody/care of the children, and other details of separation will begin to play out. The sooner you position your legal affairs in order, the better; keep the emotions of divorce far from your lawyer's office. If you handle this matter expertly, you can come out of the divorce stronger and richer!
Keep Emotions in Check
Divorce comes with grief. Getting over grief is a gradual process, so do not think it has a specific expiry date. The attributes of grief you will encounter during this healing process include denial, anger, bargaining depression and acceptance.
The key enduring strategy here is to keep yourself in a position of wanting very little or nothing from your ex-spouse. The more you want him, the more frustrated you will get. Above all, do not expect to get any apologies you need or deserve.
Explore New Ambitions
With divorce, you have found new time to use productively. Do you have any dreams, ambitions, or interests you had before the unfortunate marriage? There is no better time than this to pursue those goals. Your aim today is to make a better life than the one you previously had. Never procrastinate, start now!
Also, add more vigor to your past-time activities. Put on your favorite jeans and top, go for a walk, gym, or see a movie. Put more interest in your hobbies. Coping with divorce is a period of total rebirth. Enjoy it, and have fun.
Seek Wise Counsel
This is an important aspect of this time healing program. Design support network to include friends, family, clergy, parenting groups, divorce groups and a therapist (depending on your finances). The advantage of doing this is that the people you are seeing and discussing your feelings with are neutral, and independent. Therefore, they are in a position to offer best antidote to your emotional trauma.
Have a simple to-do list. At the end of each day, take time to strategize and see how much you have achieved during that day. Make plans for the next day. Discuss your fears with your therapist. Together, draw up a program to accommodate your daily activities. Position each activity to deal with those attributes of grief I earlier highlighted.
No matter how dark the night is, it must surely break to day. Nothing lasts forever; reinvent your life. You are not the only person in this situation. Many people have passed through this fire without being burnt. Do not be an exception. Take it gradually. You can not do it alone and all in one day.
