Look even deeper. Is your present boy/girlfriend the type who would offer you assistance during the time of grief? Unbelievably, there are numerous men (women) out here who offer absolutely NO comfort to hurting women (men). And no, it does not matter whether they are married to those women (men) or not! I wish you could see some of the personal letters that pastors and men of God receive from married people. Yes, some of them are happy, praise God! However, the ones who are not happy are miserable. There are no in between. Either you are happy in a marriage or you are not. There are married women (men) writing saying their husbands (wives) never show authentic affection towards them, never offer expressions of love for them. That is real. Since it is so real, God desires that women (men) are exceptionally careful when choosing a mate. Notice I did not say that women (men) should FIND a mate! I said, "Choose." There is a huge difference.
Turn in your Bible to Proverbs 18:22. It says "that He who finds a wife finds a good thing" Interpretation: MEN find women. Women should not be out trying to find a man! HOWEVER, once found, the woman can then choose to be with the man or to wait to be found by a different man.
What to Look for When Choosing a Mate
Proverbs 20:6 states, who can find a faithful man? The fact that the question is asked is indicative of the fact that there are not many faithful men out there. However, there is good news.
The good news is that JESUS knows where the faithful men are! Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary offers several excellent definitions of the word faithful:
Faithful
- Steadfast in affection or allegiance
- Loyal
- Firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty
- Conscientious the scriptures say that a faithful man is difficult to find.
God is saying that it is hard to find a man (woman) with the qualities in letters a, b, c, and d. However, wouldn't you love to have a man (woman) with the qualities listed above? They are rare. But GOD knows where such men (women) are located.
Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:23. Scripture states, for the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
STOP! Now go back and re-read that passage. God is offering us a blueprint on what to look for in a mate. Let's pick that scripture apart.
- The husband is head of the wife. That means that you need to choose a man who is a true believer. He also needs to be a man under whose authority you will feel comfortable submitting. It is dangerous to submit to the authority of a man who is not saved or who does not have a relationship with God.
- The husband must love his wife as Christ loves the Church. That is a tough one! Look at the degree to which God loves His Church! He died for the Church (the entire body of Christ). How does God love us? He is kind, patient and nurturing to the Church. Those are the qualities you need to search for when determining who to marry.
- The husband must sanctify, cleanse and wash his wife with the Word of God. Again, only a believer man can wash you with the Word of God. Think about the dating ritual. Boy meets girl, they date, and start to care deeply, and the subject of sex pops up.
Becoming One
In Ephesians, 5:31 the scripture states that, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church... God hates divorce. However, He also hates abuse. God does not want you physically or mentally abused. He certainly does not want you disrespected by a man (woman) committing adultery against you. Too many women (men) around the world, in their quest for a mate are settling with people who are not worthy of them.
The reason so many people are in unhappy marriages is that they latched onto the wrong person to please society, family or friends. Now they are stuck with a mean, unaffectionate, or abusive mate. It is not too late for you. If you pick the right mate from the beginning, you will not end up hurt and miserable (divorced). Listen carefully; GOD says that when you marry, you become ONE with that person. God no longer sees you as separate, but He sees you and your mate as ONE person. We cannot fully comprehend it because God says! It's a great mystery! Think about your boy/girlfriend. Do you see yourself becoming ONE with them? If you have problems after marriage it's because something was broken before marriage (that was obviously ignored). If you do not have a boy/girlfriend yet, GREAT! Now you know what to look for!
