You need time to recover after any loss. The loss of a long-term relationship is roughly the equivalent of losing a family member to death in terms of emotional impact. Making any big decisions during the period immediately following a loss is a bad idea. Your emotional and psychological states need time to recover and heal.
After the death of a spouse, it is normally considered a good idea to wait a year or longer before doing serious dating. Obviously, the length of time to wait is based at least in part on the length of the marriage.
With a divorce, there is another problem that you would not face in the death of a spouse. The spouse is still hanging around somewhere. If you have children together, the situation becomes even more complicated. On top of this, there are friends and family members who feel the need to through their opinions into the pot.
Advice is often given that you should get back out there right away with a comparison to what should be done if you fall off of a horse. Well, at least you got away from some part of the horse. This is really bad advice unless you have been divorced for several years and living as a hermit.
Going out with friendship groups that include members of the opposite sex is a nice way to get used to the idea of hanging out with the other gender again. By being in a group, you are not put in a position to make relational decisions. You should be able to have a good time and not feel pressured to begin seeing someone as a date.
Wait at least six months. A year of waiting is better. You need the time to heal and reset your thinking. Take the time to become an individual again before trying to be part of a couple. By waiting, you will become more selective and less of a rebounder. This is not a perfect solution, but it is about as good as it gets.
Try not to pushed by friends, financial pressures, or other needs into moving too rapidly into dating. When you do start to date, make it clear that you are not going to become exclusive until you have had time to sample what dating is like again. The first person you date may be the right one for you, but you cannot be sure until you have examined a few of the possibilities.
When you do start to date, keep you expectations low. This will let you enjoy many different personalities and people without becoming frustrated by the losers. Learn to enjoy the activity more than the person at first. There is plenty of time to move your interest from the outing to the person on subsequent dates if they occur. If they do not happen, you will not be sitting at home fretting over what went wrong.
