Mei Ling, 22, interviewed by The Straits Time: “I tell my friends as a joke that it took me $26 to get married and $3600 to divorce”. According to Strait Times, “In 2002, a record number of 5825 marriages ended in divorces and annulments- up sharply from 2111 cases in 1982”. The divorce rate is highest among those in the 20-24 age groups. Why there is an increasing trend of divorce among the younger age group in Singapore? I would like to examine the causes and propose solution to save marriage.
Causes of Marriage Problem
Unrealistic Expectations
The couples have unrealistic expectation towards marriage. They paint the rosy picture of marriage. When they get married, they find out the picture is different from their expectation. It is not so romantic and become practical. They are prepared to face the "up" in life rather than the "down" in life. Therefore, they will become frustrated and disappointed. Immaturity
Social Work and psychology lecturer, John Ang, agreed that young are especially vulnerable to break-ups. He said, “At the age of 20-24, they are not settled in many ways. Some are still pursuing their education, some do not have steady incomes, some may not even be sure about whom matches them best.” The young is not yet settled at this age group, and easily influenced by others. They are still searching for their career, study, and lifelong partners. They may not have a concrete understanding and reason for the marriage.
Lack of Communication
Most husbands and wives are working to support for the family. They have long working hours, therefore, they have lesser time to communicate with each other. When husbands or wives return home surfing internet or reading newspapers, watching T.V. programmes, they are not communicating with each other. They feel lonely and are not being understood or supported by their spouse. Without communication, marriage will break down easily. They need to have the opportunity, space, time and skills to communicate and support each other.
Ways to Prevent Marriage Problem
Marriage Preparation Course
Marriage preparation courses conducted by Family Life Society, Family Service Centre and Ministry of Community Development and so on are helpful to prepare the couple for the reality of marriage. The communication skills, financial arrangement, sex education, in-law relationship and so on would be discussed before marriage. The young can use the course to assess the suitability of the person to get married. For example, I attended the Engaged Encounter. One of the participants said, “I found out that it was premature for me to get married because I did not understand my partner.” The preparation course provides a good opportunity for participants to reflect on whether they are ready for marriage. If not, they need to work on certain areas until they are ready for it. If they just rushed to the logistic parts of wedding (such as wedding ceremony, buying house and so on), they will not have the time to think whether they are ready for marriage. Wedding is a date, marriage is a lifelong commitment to a person. Marriage Enrichment Courses
After I married, my husband and I find that we need to continue to develop our relationship. It just likes growing a plant. It needs soil, sunlight, and fertilizer to grow. We need to support each other continuously. We have been attending Marriage Encounter since 3rd year of marriage. Every month, we attend the group sharing session to support ourselves and other couple for the growth in relationship. The topics of understanding each other's needs, communication skill, conflict resolution, financial arrangement, and sexual intimacy would be discussed between the couples and shared in the group. Through the marriage enrichment course, we get to understand each other better and communicate effectively. Marriage life becomes more fulfilling.
Marital Counseling
If marriage cannot work out, it is better to see a counselor or social worker to save the marriage. Get to profession is better than friends. Friends may pass on judgment. A professional will be neutral to both parties. It needs to be a professional to look at the marriage at different perspectives and find ways to improve the marriage and save it from crisis.
In conclusion, unrealistic expectation, immaturity and lack of communication skill are the causes of high divorce rate among the age group of 20-24. The recommended solutions are marriage preparation and enrichment courses. If they could not handle the marital crisis, they seek help from a counsellor or social worker. Marriage is important because it is the life-long commitment to your spouse - “till death we part.”
