Sara*met Justin when she was just a teenager, they had a great high school romance. His family, at least the ones she had met, we nice they had their problems but Sara knew every family did. She over looked some details and didn't press some subject that she should have. Once they married she met Justin's family from out of state for the first time. His dad and dad's third wife and kids, his brother and sister in law, and many cousins.
Once they were married the signs of an abusive person started to show and again Sara ignored them. Justin moved Sara out of state from Florida where she grew up and all her family and friends were, to Ohio where she knew nobody. Once around his dad again Justin started Drinking and getting violent, physicals and verbally abusive and made it impossible for Sara to have friends or to try to get out of the situation. Sara and Justin are now divorced and looking back Sara saw the signs as plain as day she just didn't know how to read them.
Men who are manipulative, violent, and otherwise dangerous are adept at hiding those disturbing characteristics. Find out what kind of behavior gives them away.
Many women overlook the information they receive from the man in their life. Many women believe they can "fix" a man who has problems to be their "perfect" man. This is not true. When men are abusive or violent they know how to hide it well and can even pretend everything is ok.
Red Flag #1: He drinks to excess or takes drugs
People who drink all the time or take drugs are self medicating. They are trying to ignore underlying feelings they can't, or don't want to deal with - feelings such as depression, anxiety, and even rage. Many people get happy go lucky when they drink but in Justin's case he turned violent and abusive as some men tend to do. If you guy gets drunk and does some inappropriate stuff they tries to defend himself by saying it wasn't him then he's lying. It was him, the real him.
In Sara's case Justin was opposed to drinking any kind of alcohol but he did brag about how he did drugs in high school and how he acted and the stories he told. He swore to Sara he had quite a few years ago. Any man that has quite won't have the need to brag about using drugs; they would case it as a mistake in their past and just move on.
Red Flag #2: He has broken the law
This one isn't as simple as it seems. Bad guys are experts at explaining everything, “He threatened me.” “He threw the first punch.” Or even “Everybody cheats”. Now given good people do sometimes break the rules from shopping to driving a car without a license or lying on their taxes. But these behaviors along with an assault history, they hint at a personality of willingness to put one's needs before the needs of others to hurt them, if only indirectly.
Red Flag #3: You're getting the feeling that you're either crazy or invisible
A dangerous man is more likely to treat you like a second class citizen or even worse yet, an airhead. When you tell him you disagree with his position on an issue, he'll tell you you're nuts or just roll his eyes at you. All the phrases like “Your paranoid” “Give me a break. You're Ridiculous” Nuts. Paranoid. Ridiculous. These are feeling that imply you don't matter.
Red Flag #4: He seems too good to be true
Men struggling with the most chaotic emotions often try the hardest to appear perfect. Like Scott Peterson they have learned to say exactly the right things at the right times. They never have a mean thing to say about anyone. They said the childhoods were perfect, their parents were perfect, they love dogs, cats and kids ECT. Real people wear many constructed masks and are complicated and contradictory creatures. These men are trying to keep you and people in general from finding out about the real them.
Red Flag #5: He has bad personal references … or none at all
Men without lasting relationships with others have almost certainly done something to undermine them. Take to heart if a close friend he confides in doesn't know him all that long or that well. Ask the guy as many questions as you can about the guy in your life as possible.
Now for some good news: Dangerous men have very good radar, and they like easy victims. If you have any doubt all with any of these signs try these tricks too. 1) Ask yourself whether you would introduce the man to your family and friends. 2) If you know any of his exes, have a conversation with her. Bad actors ectors generally have been playing the roles for a while. 3) Do a criminal background check. They are online for about $100.
Just remember Nice guys still outnumber bad guys, by a lot.
*name has been changed
