How to Spot an Abuser on the First Date

Here's a list of warning signs to help potential victims avoid getting into relationships with psychologically damaged abusers.

Let's assume an abusive person has asked you out on a first date. Abusive people will do their very best to mask their true character, but the following tell-tale signs appear.

1. Condescending or haughty body language. The abuser adopts a physical posture which implies and exudes an air of superiority. He or she will probably lead you to the table and then sit in the best chair in the restaurant, making you face the wall.

2. The need for special treatment. Abusive people are impatient and don't like waiting in line or being interrupted. They're also the type that insists on speaking directly with authority figures. For example, when an abuser arrives at his or her new job, he or she will immediately ask for special payment terms and seek other privileges in the workplace.

3. Defensiveness - Abusers have a tendency to shift responsibility to others, or to the world at large. They blame all their failures and mishaps on other people. Should you become unfortunate enough to find yourself in a relationship with this person, you will eventually become the primary reason for his or her failure in life.

4. Impatience with the waiter. While dining out on that first date the abuser will probably monopolize the hostess and try and program the waiter's every move. If restricted in this endeavor he'll react with rage and indignity. He can't imagine being treated the same as everyone else, whom he deems inferior. Abusers frequently and embarrassingly "dress down" service providers.

5. Compulsive desire to belong to the club. Abusers will latch onto celebrities at a party and will probably give security a hard time. They want to say, "Don't you know who I am?" but will instead proceed to tell these people who they are, and they'll draw upon a carefully crafted false autobiography. Take note of how often your date peppers his or her speech with the words "I", "my", "myself", and "mine".

6. Impatience, unless and until he or she is the topic of discussion. Abusers are dead serious about themselves. He or she may possess a fabulous sense of humor, scathing and cynical, but rarely is he or she self-deprecating. The abuser regards himself or herself as being on a constant mission, whose importance is cosmic and whose consequences are global. If a scientist, she will always be in the throes of revolutionizing science. If a journalist, he's in the middle of the greatest story ever. If an aspiring businessman, he is just about to close the deal of the century.

DO NOT TRY AND HELP THEM! Heed this warning, spot these obvious signs, and run away as fast as you can!