The rates of divorce have been steadily rising and there seems to be no faith in the system of marriage anymore.
There are now actually more households in which children are being raised by single parents than married couples. If the majority of marriages are failing, think about how many relationships do. People who aren't committed to a relationship usually jump from one to the next, trying to find the one who will complete the puzzle. Each time they find the same thing. They lose their connection to that person.
At first it's great: Their body is pumping out those feel-good emotions making them all giddy when they see their partner. The butterflies will last for a period of a few months, and then the body will begin to decrease the amounts of endorphins released from the brain. This will seem like they are loosing interest in this person and that it just wasn't meant to be. It is actually quite the contrary. This person has just moved past the infatuation stage and is ready to really find out if this person is right for them. The difference between infatuation and love is that when you're infatuated with someone you are kind of pretending that they have no flaws. When you love someone you identify, accept, and eventually grow to love their flaws along with the rest of them. Most young people don't make it past the infatuation stage before moving on.
Once conflict arises, they act as though it wasn't to be expected. They were under the impression that their relationship was going to go smoothly forever. That is what those feel-good chemicals do. Once they find their mate isn't perfect, they "fall out of love" when in fact they had only fallen out of infatuation. One way to prevent this from happening to a marriage is to wait at least a year before considering such a commitment.
By this time you have moved past infatuation and have started really getting a feel for each other's personalities. You may want to wait even longer, depending on what stage of life you are both in, assuming that major changes could still occur in both people.
Fighting is another big blockade in continuing a relationship. Once couples begin to feel comfortable with each other, their true emotions are easily let out. A partner in a relationship is one of the easiest people to take out all your frustrations on. Arguments are bound to happen in an ongoing relationship or marriage, but there are ways of minimizing their impact and frequency.
You must be able to observe yourself to determine whether your emotions or irritations are causing your irritation of your partner or is there an actual important problem that needs to be discussed. Either way, arguing isn't going to solve the problem. I know what you are thinking, "Duh. Everyone knows that. It's simply not arguing that's hard to do."
This is true. Sorting out the real problems from those made up my emotions is just the first step. You then must start practicing this concept. Even if you get carried away in an argument you know you really didn't want to start, it's never too late to calm yourself down and rationally solve the problem. As I said, this won't avoid arguments but rather keep them from overwhelming the relationship.
There are many other problems that can destroy relationships, but I feel that using and practicing the above knowledge can greatly improve the chance for success in an early relationship or marriage. Commitment does not have to be a rarity in our society if we can just slightly shift our expectations of each other.
