Men all over the world may be quite happily going about their daily business and be blissfully unaware of the deep, dark thoughts harboured by their outwardly demure looking partners, according to my informal survey this week.
Ex-Partner
The first and foremost paranoia presenting itself in the minds of most otherwise completely sane and sensible women is the Question of the Ex. Many aspects of the Ex reflect back on us, including what she looked like. If she was a bit of a dog, then that automatically sets us away wondering if we just might be in the same league. Then that sets up a whole new can of worms.
Ideally the Ex should have similar physical features as us but not be so attractive that we start worrying he might be lowering his standards in choosing us after her. Because then we start worrying he's still secretly hankering after her and her better looks. You see?
If the Ex is in a great job, driving a great car, having exotic holidays and apparently generally having a fantastic time in her new life, we also worry he might start thinking the grass is greener back over the other side of the fence. Especially when we're nagging again about emptying the kitchen bin. So she should ideally be having lots of life issues that he doesn't want anything to do with. Mean, but true.
The other Ex question is, if he's always slagging her off, even though he was with her for years. Will he be saying those things about us in due course? Is he saying them to his mates right now? And what was wrong with him for putting up with her psycho ways all that time? Have we made a bad choice if he lacks that much discrimination? And, breathe.
Types
If we don't fit into the ''type'' you usually date, we'll spend a lot of time wondering if we are a stop gap until you find someone more like the kind of girlfriend you really want. Or if you mention the looks of some bird we don't even slightly resemble, we'll wonder too.
On the other side of the coin, if our mates think you're not our usual type, or drop hints about your weird sense of humour, or your fashion sense, we'll start having doubts because the opinions of mates so often turn out to be true.
Or, if they're always going on about their particular Mr Wonderful, we start thinking, well my man hasn't done/said that and that will set us off too, sometimes ending up in an argument with you about what you haven't done/said, when you haven't a clue what you've actually done wrong.
Appearance
We automatically assume if you're staring it's because something about us is dodgy, for example hair in the wrong place, wrong makeup, wrong clothes arrangement, and wrong shape , ergo we're getting fat. Also on the agenda may be stretch marks, boobs sagging, moles or spots, food articles in teeth…the list goes on. So don't stare.
Don't say anything if we ask ''have I lost weight?'' as an affirmative would imply we were fat in the first place. Don't use ''nice'' as a description'' as that means ''boring'' and don't describe us as ''looking well'' or ''curvy'' as that also means fat. And call us a ''cow'' as that means fat. ''Bitch'' is far sexier. Ok?
