You never imagined infidelity would invade your marriage. The vows, time and effort you both pledged to offer has taken a back seat to the thrill and spontaneity of an affair. By the time suspicions are aroused, something has already gone awry. But how do you know if your relationship is vulnerable? Paying attention to your marriage is the first step and the telltale signs are always obvious. Where are your priorities? If any of your answers begin with Career, Children, Fitness or Friends, that's your first indicator that your marriage is vulnerable. The harsh reality is that there are a lot of unsatisfying and empty relationships. We often forget the reasons we fell in love and become complacent. We place more emphasis on becoming successful in the public arena instead of our own home. Ask yourself, how much time are you willing to afford for a lifetime of love?
Many experts have explored the trends in marriage and infidelity and all statistics show that cheating has steadily increased over the years. Almost 50% of married women and 60% of married men engage in extramarital affairs. According to the renowned psychiatrist and infidelity researcher, Dr. Shirley Glass, “one of the predictors of affairs is opportunity,” and the Internet is a breeding ground for opportunity. It offers the freedom to take on a different persona and the latitude for all romantic fantasies. In her book, “NOT Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal,” Dr. Glass adds that emotional detachment and sexual disinterest are also indicators of a problem in the marriage. One spouse feels neglected and finds comfort in a friendship that blossom into an intimate relationship. Some of the characteristics to watch for are secrecy and depth of intimate sharing. Her website encourages spouses to partake in the vulnerability quiz.
Reasons behind Infidelity
The most important question about infidelity is Why? The reason behind infidelity is always a search for something we miss. Marriages start out with passion and close emotional ties that fade if not nurtured. Infidelity expert, Ruth Houston, discusses infidelity in detail on her website, Infidelity Advice and details the reasons that can help us predict if a relationship is susceptible. Ms. Houston says “The most frequently cited reasons for infidelity among men all relate to sex, while women cheat for emotional reasons.”
Reasons Men Cheat
- more sex (the desire for a more active sex life)
- sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex)
- opportunistic sex ( taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught)
Reasons Women Cheat
- a desire for emotional closeness and intimacy (someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level)
- a desire for attention (wanting be the center of a man's attention again)
- to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman)
- to re-experience feelings of romance
- a desire to feel “special”
- boredom
- loneliness
- sexual excitement
Emerging Trends for 2008
Ruth Houston identifies more than a dozen emerging infidelity trends for 2008, which includes the following:
- A major increase in internet-aided infidelity
- A similar increase in workplace infidelity as a result of work spouse relationships
- Higher rates of infidelity among baby boomers
- Increased awareness of the seriousness of non-sexual forms of infidelity, such as cyber infidelity and emotional infidelity
- Greater recognition of the health hazards associated with infidelity
- Female infidelity will have an unexpected positive influence on men.
- An increase in infidelity-related products and services
- A corresponding increase in infidelity scams
- People will become savvier about recognizing and dealing with infidelity
- A return to using low-tech, no tech methods to catch a cheating mate
- Both men and women will become more proactive their approach to dealing with infidelity, but in totally different ways
- The “new” infidelity will result in more marriages between affair partners
The end result is that excuses for cheating can be rectified by understanding a problem exists. The road to a healthy marriage requires nurturing and if we recognize the warning signs of infidelity or what may be lacking in our relationships, we have the time and foresight to repair the issues.
