Larry died in 2005 from Leukemia, a blood disease. He was only 4 years my junior and I'm 60. He was an ex-boyfriend and we'd knocked around together off and on for 8 years back in the 80's.
I'm so glad I sang Bobby McGee to him while we were on the road together. I followed his pickup in my van. I had so much energy on the 18-hour trip I decided to lay a tune on him through our little walkie-talkies. I put all the feeling I could into the song and it turned out ok. I didn't know he was going to die in less than a year. That must have been why all this affection was bubbling up in me for Larry, as all these years he'd never forgotten me, but I had forgotten him.
People seemed to fall all around me in my life beginning in the 70's. I studied death more than I studied life it seemed. I wanted to know what was on the other side since I was 17. I told Larry we had an afterlife, he should study too I chided him. "No, he said, I'll just wait and see what's there when the time comes, after all he'd say, we should concentrate on our lives right here and now.
Larry was far too logical for his own good, but he wouldn't hurt a flea. He reminded me of a pixie in a way. I think I used to wish that if I kissed him just right he'd turn from a frog into my prince, but I had to get more realistic; it wouldn't be that at all.
I couldn't argue with his impeccable logic but fact is I had mediumistic tendencies from an early age and on top of that I was never a happy camper and wanted to go home. That's how I was then and this is now. God was always on my case to hang in whenever I meditated on life and death.
With folks dropping like flies around me, I started to learn how to say goodbye properly as I dreaded them leaving before I could say I love you. Busted flat in Baton Rouge, the words to Bobby McGee seemed appropriate as my goodbye song to Larry.
He was going to be free soon, the final adventure awaited. “Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, freedom ain't worth nothing, but it's free.”
These were the words I crooned happily to Larry as we chugged on down and up the mountain pass.
All Larry's life he had lived frugally. If he could get out of paying money for something, he would. Free time was more important to him. I was the same way only I had two kids, so I walked more a middle of the road path than him.
I remember getting to Roswell, NM and holing up in a motel with Larry for 3 or 4 days. We started talking about the good old days. For a moment we almost started rolling on the floor laughing. He asked me “So, what did you think of the sex we had?” I almost knew this was coming. I couldn't think of what to say and there was this silence while I gathered my wits what exactly I could say that wouldn't sound demeaning to him. It hadn't been that great for me but I knew he jolly well liked it. In the silence which lasted too long we looked across at each other and he suddenly saw my consternation and burst out laughing and I the same because his laughter was infectious. Laughing with Larry after all these years was even better than the memory of sex. This laughter marked a successful relationship, even if it had not met either of our expectations.
One day after Larry's demise I was in my kitchen and his spirit walked in. "Howdy howdy he said. These familiar words were his signature. I could always count on hearing those words, as Larry was a habit in more ways than one.
Hi there Larry I said back, knowing what he was going to say to me. I didn't want to rub it in but I was tempted. I had tried to tell him we continue on after death and he had not listened to me.
Now I was careful in my response. "I miss our emails I said." We had some pleasant talks back then. I was proud he was a speaker and kept up his talks through his illness.
"You were right after all I thought I heard him say. The joy of being right didn't do much for me right at the moment but at least we could hear each other on the other side of this dimensional wall and maybe he was happy about that. I sensed a heavy heart that he tried to camouflage but Larry was like that in life too. He presented only the most positive side at all times going so far as to include in his greeting to all "ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE!"
He didn't say this anymore; he had some work to do. Now he had to figure out all his relationships he'd ever had before he would evolve. I said thanks for dropping in and I'll be around to see you now and again and that was that.
I was a total right-brained emotional gal, he was a total left brained fanatic but somehow we ended up still being friends. God bless you sweetie, thanks for not forgetting me through the years. I think there must be a place for sweet pixie motivational speakers on the other side.
