A close friend of mine WHO HAPPENS TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST SPECIAIZING IN THE CUMBLING (as I call it) MARRIAGE, read the second installment and she said “you have got it all wrong.” We met for coffee ( I had green tea) and sheset me straight, offering real-life suggestions:
- Before you do anything outside the walls of your “home, sweet, home” try the strategies for saving your marriage first. And Katharine said, “knitting will not scratch the itch.”
- “It’s about intimacy, stupid.” “IAIS”, okay, I got it. Katharine said by one’s forties the problem is not about sex itself but the distancing from someone with whom you were once very close. Go to the movies together if that is what you used to do; the sex against the washing machine will follow.(That’s a nice soundbyte!)
- If your intimacy was never about taking ballroom dancing together, that will be an awkward bust. If you think you dance like the Pussycat Dolls and he thinks you have no rhythm, don’t deliberately try to entice him with things that will turn him off.
- X-rated movies are a good idea. Even better, go to a place ike “Romantic Depot” and buy a ton of sex toys. (Save up, they’re not cheap.) Hide books (if yous is a household with kids) with titles like “The Complete Guide to Anal Sex for Beginners.”
- Watch “Real Sex” on HBO rather than the lovely Sue Johannsen’s show.
- Offer him a massage. Nude for him. Nude for you. The term “ Happy Endings” will take on new meaning.
- Consider a threesome, offer it to him if he’s always wanted one. The problem of course is finding your lucky third.
But I’ve heard that sometimes, the “third” is down the block, in his office or yours, or the contractor fixing the roof.
More to come, so to speak..
